in a hurry
01/26/2003 07:53 p.m.
I need to go get food... I haven't had an actual meal since Friday so I'm a little worried about blood sugar. But it felt necessary to post a journal entry since my last one was SO negative.

I was with Eric from about 8:30 PM to about 3:30 AM yesterday. Or today. Yeah. That's a lot of time to spend with one person. We watched In the Mouth of Madness (which I HATE Matt McLean for letting us watch... I said "NO monsters" urgh), Reservoir (did I spell that right?) Dogs and Friday. And we made chocolate chip cookies. He burned the first batch. Boys. But the weird thing was, I called my sweetie to say I couldn't talk and he was off to a girl's room to watch a movie. A girl who likes him. And when we got off the phone, I walked over to Eric, took a bite of a cookie and a sip of milk (he didn't know I don't drink milk) and said "My boyfriend is watching a movie tonight. With a girl. A girl who likes him even." Eric's response?

"How ironic."

I just drank my horrible milk and pretended it wasn't said. At about 1:30 he tried to make me dance which is something he's been trying to do since I got down here. I don't dance... in front of people. (Only to Spice Girls, alone in my room so I can feel good about myself, right Koye?) So there was Donnell Jones and Musiq Soulchild (or however that's spelled) but, you know, I just can't dance. Things ensued, sort of. A little dancing maybe. But not anything good. At least on my part.

I don't know. It made me sad. It always does. I have a good time with him but I hate being away from Tommy. When he told me he was watching a movie with Jess, my initial thought was "what ARE we?" - a freaking couple who dates other people more than each other. It can't be helped. And I trust that he's not interested in Jess. And I'm not interested in Eric. So it's not like *cheating* is this big fear. But it's sad when you spend so much time with other people and extremely minimal time together.

That's why I didn't talk to you, Koye. I would have, honestly. But I was with Eric. I'll call today and we'll chat. I'm looking forward to it.

Now I'm really going to need food. Passing out is not a favorite activity of mine.

Hey, you, all my friends who are in a bad/sad mood, CHEER UP. I love you. Really.

I am currently Tired
I am listening to someone's bass again

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growingupstupidparents...
01/25/2003 09:37 p.m.
I don't know. Whatever. I just got off the phone with my parents. Or, actually, I just hung up on my mom. I never do that. I just... couldn't deal with it. I don't know. We were talking about stupid fucking next semester which really isn't even a problem but my parents have to turn it into one. And then Baltimore and Spring Break. Which really shouldn't even be a big deal either but for some reason my parents think I'm still three and must be treated accordingly. I didn't hang up for any of those reasons, though. I made the point that I'm sick of being tied to them in all kinds of ways - mostly financially - and my mom goes into this huge tirade about how I'm obviously not a mature adult. I don't work. I don't do my laundry. I don't clean. I don't drive. And I'm just sitting there going "No shit. I wonder why I don't do these things. You weren't parents who said 'get off your ass and do it yourself.' If I'm lacking things, and I am, it's not entirely my fault." But, no, I'm a baby. I couldn't handle Bob Jones. I don't do anything for myself. And it always comes back to the fact that when I was fifteen, I didn't get my learner's permit for whatever reason and my parents wouldn't let me have a job in high school. I never protested those things at the time but my parents should have. They should have encouraged me, even forced me. That's what parents are there for. To teach their kids to function as adults in the real world. But they didn't. "Well, we can't go back in time, Emily." Yes, I know, I'm aware of that, but we can start now. You can let me grow up now. I can get a job. I can get an apartment next semester. Why is this hard to do? Why do I have to be an eighteen-year-old baby? How am I supposed to be a "mature adult" if they won't LET ME be a mature adult?? I'm confused. I shouldn't have hung up on my mom. For many reasons. The two big ones being, it'll upset her and it probably lessens my chances of going to Baltimore for Spring Break. That second one... I don't know. I figured that if I get a job soon and work long enough and save the money I earn, I'll be able to fly myself up there if that's what this comes to.

I'm going to have to do this on my own. Sorry if any of this didn't make sense. I just needed to get it out somehow. Koye and Tommy are out with Cathy and Jess and Ashley's still driving back from dropping off the cat.

I'm sorry. I need to go call a parent, I think.
I am currently Angry

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losing a visitor
01/25/2003 07:52 p.m.

Yep, Hank. Formerly known as Frosty. He was long and skinny so we decided to name him Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and call him Hank for short. Ashley makes me giggle. Hank, by the way, is a cat. That's probably necessary to the story. He's with Ashley's mom now... or on his way at least. Awww, I'll miss his crazy attacks on our feet... yep...

Tonight Ashley and I are going over to Eric's (it'll be the first time Ash's been) to partake in cookies (chocolate chip, of course) and watch a movie. And then tomorrow, a guy on Eric's hall is taking us to mass. I'm so excited! Eric has to go to a church of a denomination he wasn't raised in (Baptist) and write a paper about it for one of his classes. We were initially going to go to the Mormon church because it was the most logical thing. Then Ash told Eric that it goes from about 9AM to noon. Then the plan became me and Eric walking to the Methodist church across from the campus. Eventually he realized that a boy on his hall goes to the Catholic church and I said "that'll be TONS easier to differentiate from Baptists" so we're going to mass. Yay! Good times.

As for the rest of today... I'm going to be sitting. I was going to read an email and respond to it... buuuuuuut... hm. :) He must have been busy with his dancing girl... forgot all about emailing me. :)

I'm joking. I promise.

I shall now phone a roommate to see where she is.

Have a nice weekend.

I am currently Bored
I am listening to college kids whispering

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lacking in a computer
01/24/2003 10:58 p.m.
So I took my computer over to Jackson and all those techies in the basement of the Marvin Pittman building and they KEPT my computer. I'm not sure why, but I'm really not comfortable with that. Jackson's all "What are you going to do with it? You can't do much now..." and he was right, but still. Ash (who was SO kind to go with me) :) and I sat there for a long while watching him try to fix the dang thing and to no avail. So he kept it. I don't know. I guess I trust Jackson. But not really. He seems like the type to snoop. Not that I have anything interesting. Still...

I'm being silly and paranoid.

Misunderstandings suck. I've come to find.

So do away messages. Um. Yeah. That's right, I'm referring to you. Yep, you. Ahem. And since I have your attention, scoot yourself to Ashley's website where you shall read of our love for reality TV. Then you'll understand. Maybe. A little. Oooo, check this out, it's a plug... visit www.fallingreign.net! I wish I knew how to make that a link for you all. Sorry. But yes, visit.

I think that's all for now. We'll see. In all of it's glorious connotations. :)
I am currently Peachy
I am listening to someone's very loud bass

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wha... whatwhat? huh?
01/23/2003 05:08 p.m.
Yeah, that's pretty much it. I had some breakfast today with m'roomie. We talked about life and how freaking scary things are. We're adults now. We talked about rent. RENT. Moving away, doing what we want to do, paying rent. And how we can do that if we want because we're adults now.

And so many things about next semester are up in the air. I have no idea what's going to happen. If Ashley stays in Utah, maybe I can talk my parents into a college closer to Koye and Tommy. That would be beautious. And if Ashley comes back, I won't have to worry about switching colleges and new, strange roommates. Either way, I'm good. Or bad. There are things both ways. So I'm very confused. I don't even know if my parents would let me switch colleges if Ashley didn't come back. I don't know. Argh.

No one ever tells you about this. No one lets the high school kids in on what it's like to be free from their parents. It's a shock. To me, at least.

My honey is mailing me a letter. I like that. Maybe I should figure out where my PO box is... and how to open it.

My next class is mythology. And then math. Where I'll be taking a quiz. I didn't do SO horribly on the last one. Maybe I won't fail that class? I hope not.

I think now I should go... do... something. Look at notes for mythology maybe? I don't know. Who studies? What kind of person studies?? Heavens.
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to whispering. it's a computer lab. duh.

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not sure
01/22/2003 04:09 p.m.
I think I should start with an apology to Simeon. Sorry, I sort of lashed out. Shouldn't have. You were right. Yeah, yeah, Koye and I are forever subject to the logical reasoning of Simeon. So I'm sorry.

I'm not sure how to say what happened because I didn't expect what happened to happen. Did that make sense? I just called, at that point knowing Tommy wasn't there, and determined to work this out. I didn't think it'd work because I was totally convinced that there was no arguing with Koye about this. But I just caved in a way that I hadn't before concerning this situation. And we both sat there acknowledging that we are both to blame. Neither of us come out pristine here. And I apologized and he apologized.

But the big thing for me... the thing that made me cry... he missed me. He said so. He said "I really missed you." That just... floored me. I didn't think he cared at all that we were having problems. But he missed me. I'm not sure he had any idea how much that was weighing on me.

Things aren't going to be perfect. Which sounds normal, but for us, where things have almost ALWAYS been perfect (we've never had to compromise, you know) it's strange. We'll have to deal with a lot (Spring Break visits... we're really going to have to work with those...) But I just wanted him back. I want to tell him things. Anything. Everything. I've missed that. And I want to hear things. So yeah, I think this is a start. A good start.

And we pretty much owe it all to Simeon. So thank you, Sim.

And thank you, Koye. For not closing yourself off to me. I'm glad we're back. I'll overlook previously-written-not-so-nice poems if you assure me they don't still apply. :)
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to the clicking of keys

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don't you think it's time?
01/21/2003 09:20 p.m.
What song is that from? All I can remember is "don't you think it's time? don't you think it's time?" And yes, actually, I do think it's time. I'm not sure for what. But yes.

Last night was fun. M'love and I had friendly philosophical arguments. I love that. But he couldn't handle it. I blame my astrological orientation. I didn't choose it. :) Yeah, those Geminis... we need someone who can keep up conversationally. I was too hard on him, I guess. :) But we did agree that those arguments are fun in moderation. I just can't pull out anything too unusual or confusion ensues. I laughed a lot cause I kept going "Are you trying to get me to say..." and he'd go "No, no, I'm just giving you things to think about..." It made me laugh because of my Jill Scott quote in my profile. Was my honey being sly? Maybe, but he's not really the kind to notice that... no offense. He did remember the "many mooooons" story I told him. That made me happy.

We're not going to be together on Valentine's Day. And he's actually going to be performing in a musical that night. Terrible, no? I mean, I'm GLAD he's performing in a musical, but not that he'll be doing it Valentine's day evening and we won't be togther and so on. It's sort of depressing. Everyone'll be walking around all in love and happy and stuff and I'll be like "Yeah, I'd be that way except for distance..." Sad. Miss my sweetie.

Today is a long day for the roomie. Lots of class and working. I should get a job. Stop laughing, roomie. :)

My hero is currently: David R. Coy... he's the greatest. Thanks for everything.

My wuv is currently: Thomas E. Witty (the third)

My favorite roommate is currently: Ashley N. Strassburger

The most fun hallmate is currently: Heather N. Willis (she's happy cause they were playing Somewhere over the Rainbow by the library)

Bob Jones attendee I miss most currently: Jared D. Dawson

Latest buy from The Pickle Barrel: lots of chocolate things... and Cream Soda... mmmmm
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to I think I'm hearing Eve... I wouldn't doubt it

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I guess...
01/21/2003 08:42 p.m.
I guess we just see this differently. Nothing would be wrong right now if you could have just gotten over your irrational anger. I've done nothing to you. I never wanted this friendship to end. You were the one who threw out the ultimatum. Just because I chose sanity over insanity doesn't mean I wanted to end the friendship. It just means I'd rather not be crazy.

We could go on like this forever. I'm just going to leave this here - you've said a lot about me that's not true. Maybe I've done the same. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. It's over, as you said, so why stress ourselves with the arguing? Maybe in time you'll realize what you've done to us. Until then, I'm leaving this topic alone.

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whatever
01/21/2003 03:53 p.m.
So silly. You're making such a big deal out of nothing. Ashley wasn't even "in" the situation. She made a comment about you that had nothing to do with me. Sorry if that's not allowed. People can't say anything about you, even though most of your poetry for the last month has been about other people. You can do whatever the hell you want, but it anyone thinks to take a shot at you, you can't handle that. Grow up.

Last time I checked, we're not friends anymore. You wanted it that way. You're the one who did this. So excuse me if I don't feel sorry for you. I don't owe you anything... you're the one who ended it. So don't blame me when your feelings get hurt.
I am currently Bored

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middle name
01/21/2003 12:39 a.m.
I'm glad you never told me your middle cause I'd sure be using it now... since we've decided to be petty and all.

I'll give you your two years back when you give me mine. Odd how time doesn't work that way.



I am currently Fabulous

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