oh please...
02/14/2003 04:20 p.m.
Not again. I can't deal with it.

Where's Simeon when you need him?
I am currently Indifferent

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get over yourself
02/14/2003 02:24 p.m.
Maybe it has something to do with my SHeDAISY obsessed roommate, but I really like this song. I've related to it for a while and for lots of different situations. I think I shall give you lyrics:

Get Over Yourself
by SHeDAISY

You say you're gun-shy
I say you're spineless
You think you're pensive
I think you're mindless
Such a busy little drone
That your heart beats in monotone
So loud you can't hear me
Repetition's what you need

Get out of my air, get off of my cloud
Get out of my hair, get off of my couch
Get off of my lips, get out of my light
Let me give you a tip, get out of my sight
Get off of your knees, get out of my face
Get out of my sleep, get out of my space
How long do I have to show and tell, scream and yell
Get over yourself

You say you're complicated
I say too dramatic
You think I underrate you
I think I've finally had it
With you never having time
'Cause half the time you spend
Designing brilliant tragedies
And it's becoming your disease

Won't let you unnerve me
Won't let you deserve me
And even if I kiss the dirt you're gonna see
How I don't hurt
And I don't hurt

Hey, you get over yourself

Yeah. So there you go. It's all about the girls having strength and "you're not going to hurt me. period." So that's my message.


I am currently Content

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I killed a man, T... I've gotta stay hidden in this abbey...
02/13/2003 11:19 p.m.
Mmm, abbey. I wrote a paper today for English class. It was supposed to about an event that made me feel very connected to a religious, social, racial, etc. group that I belong to. I guess I didn't really do very well cause my paper's about my Notre Dame experience that made me feel very close to the Catholics... a group I don't officially belong to. :) Can I be an honorary Catholic? I know, I know, I can join... I'm just afraid to talk to anyone about it. Maybe I'll phone up Hudsebout and ask some questions. Anyway, I thought I was going to have trouble with the 500 word minimum... I don't know why, I don't usually have trouble being long-winded. :) But yeah, I ended up with 824 words. Wow. My teacher is going to slap me. :) I had no idea I had so much to say. There you go.

Other than that, the day has been uneventful. I'm lamenting my very much aloneness tomorrow. It's opening night for Tommy; Koye's going to see Margret Cho; Ashley's babysitting. So I'll be alone. I've already suggested to various people that I'll find Eric and entertain myself. Tommy's response was something along the lines of "Um, no." Ashley said "Do it, he'll be all lonely too. Yeah, you should do that." So I don't know. I want to watch my new MST, so I might just do that. But if Eric knows I'm alone and without plans on Valentine's Day, I don't think he'd allow that to continue. He'd be here in a jiffy, probably. But yeah, I don't know.

Break a leg, my dearest.

No, I mean it. :) Break one.

"I can be cruel... I don't know why"

Is Tori not the greatest??

I'm going to go now before the insanity grows. Bye bye, kiddies.
I am currently Dorky
I am listening to "Twinkle" by Tori Amos

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going back in time
02/12/2003 06:29 p.m.
Mwahahahaha...

I don't know. I deleted a journal entry. Maybe everyone and their mother had already read it. But oh well.

Said too much.

So I'm going to break it down.

I miss my friends.

I miss Jared at Bob Jones.

I miss Koye at Loyola.

I miss Simeon at Tech.

I miss Karla at home.

I miss Jonna and Christina and Shea at Killian Hill.

My high school friends. I miss them. I want to be back where we were. But we can't go back in time.

And I miss Tommy. I put him in a different category sort of. He's not a high school friend, but he certainly is worth missing as he is my boyfriend and everything. You know, when I leave Virginia in May (if that is in fact the way things go), we will have spent roughly 3/20ths of our relationship together. Three weeks out of twenty. That's it. I don't know, I just really think that's depressing. And I miss him. I'd love to just be near him. Be the one he wastes time with before writing his paper. Give him a hug when play practice doesn't go as well as he'd like. Kiss him before I go to sleep.

College is deprivation.

And I hate this english lab. Maybe if I fake an epileptic seizure I can get out of it. I'm not sure I spelled that right. Ashley? Help?

And now I'm going to "work" on my paper.



I am currently Obsessive
I am listening to typingtypingtypingtypingtypingtypingtypingtypingtypingtyping

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fyi
02/12/2003 04:34 a.m.
It was my mind. What I'm losing, you know. My mind.

Just thought you should know.

Thank you, Koye. You're the best.
I am currently Jumbled
I am listening to the Drew Carey show

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blahblahblah
02/12/2003 12:06 a.m.
So I should go get some dinner. But I don't wanna. I just want to sit. And maybe read. Reading is nice. Music is nice. Jack Johnson.

What am I today? I'm losing something I'd rather not lose. I'm not sure what, but I'll let you know when I find out.

Sounds like a talk with Koye is in order. He always helps me figure these things out. I think he's the only that can do that.

I should call my parents. They might be coming to visit me this weekend. That'd be enjoyable. Haven't seen them in a while.

You don't know this unless you've been reading my xanga site, but I've been checking out names. Yeah, just names in general. But I've definitely decided on Torlan. It's Welsh (and we DO love Wales) and means "from the river bank" (you know) ... but most importantly, if my daughter's name was Torlan, we could call her Tori for short. :) That just makes me happy. It all works. And I'm thinking either Benna or Amma for a middle name. Or we could stick with Grace as my family oft' has. Or maybe Marie after my grandmother? And Julian Marshall for a boy. It's all about the grandparents.

Torlan Marie
Julian Marshall

I like it.

I'm going to go eat now.
I am currently Sad
I am listening to "Bubble Toes" by Jack Johnson

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hibernation til the 15th
02/10/2003 01:53 p.m.
So I'm going into hibernation this week. Tommy's play practices are every day for as long as they need to be and his homework's piling up. He's ridiculously busy. And on top of that, Friday is Valentine's Day and we won't be together.

I'm fairly certain he expects me to reprimand him for not making time for me and be all pouty cause he can't talk to me... I say this cause I've done that in the past. But more than anything, I just feel very sorry for him. I care about him so much and I know this week is going to be insane for him.

So I'm going into hibernation this week. I want to be completely supportive of him and all the things he's doing right now. I don't want to make this week worse for him. I'll email and maybe try to call now and then just to say "wuv you" but other than that, I'll be hibernating.

I hope I can at least reach him sometime on Friday. Just to hear my Valentine's sweet voice. That's what I'll miss most this week.

But no worries. Hibernation. Bears do it all the time, right? Well, in winter, I mean. Yeah. And he's sending my bear. So it's not like he's forgetting about me this week. Nahhh.

I'm just going to pray he gets through this week with his sanity... and I'm going to pray the same for me. I'm sure it'll be fine; he's a tough guy. What a guy...

Okay, you know, I really need to get ready for class now. Hey... maybe I'll use this free time to... study!! Or maybe not.
I am currently Sympathetic
I am listening to my own typing

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May
02/06/2003 09:54 p.m.
Looking at May from where I stand... I don't... I can't even see it. Only just the mountaintops peeking out, mocking me.

Every time I remember a smell... or the way his face looked when I'd wake him up... his smile after he kissed me goodnight... I get lost in things that don't exist anymore. Just memories in my head. And that's fine. No, that's wonderful. The remembering is... nearly as intoxicating as the happening. But it's being out of that frame of mind. Doing the laundry, paying attention in pre-calc, writing papers... those are the times it hurts. Or when he says something completely sweet and I want to wrap my arms around him. Or when he says something insane and I just want to tickle him. I look beside me and there's no one there.

I reach my hand out... and then pull it back.

Try to giggle into the phone so he knows I'm listening.

And then it all goes back to May. In May, I'll tickle you for that, mister. If this were May, I'd kiss you right now. When May gets here, I'll have to hit you for that comment, silly.

May.

It's a long time to wait. A really, really long time.

But he says he can. I believe him.

And I can too.
I am currently Lovesick
I am listening to "Violently Happy" by Bjork

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vegetarian croissant
02/06/2003 12:57 a.m.
Ashley joked that I'd write this... I now feel it necessary. It was my favorite thing that happened all day.

So there's this on-campus restaurant called The Educated Palate... I'd never been there before so Ash and I decided we'd have lunch there. I ordered a vegetarian croissant. Now, okay, from what it's called it doesn't sound very tasty, but oh, my friends, it is. It's avacado (my love of which, I believe, stems from my mother), tomatoes, mushrooms, bean sprouts and balsamic vinegar on a croissant. Oh my word. It is the best thing ever. Never have I tasted anything so good. Wow.

And I got to have one for lunch today. I love my roommate.

And now she'll make fun of me for posting this. That's okay. She makes me laugh.
I am currently Refreshed
I am listening to "Aeroplane" by Bjork

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my picture
02/05/2003 05:01 p.m.
I finally have one up again. I haven't for a long time cause my computer is insane and infuriating. But yes, my dearest sent me a paper snowflake... setting into motion a chain reaction of sticky-tacking it to my mirror and proceeding to take about a million pictures of it. I decided to stick my face in there and procure myself a "pathetic" picture. So there you go.

Does anyone want to give me some money to fly up to see my sweetie RIGHT NOW? Please? No? Okay... I guess I'll just wait.

I've been listening to more Bjork recently. I stopped for a while... probably just because I was so reminded of Koye and that was painful. But yeah, I bought Selmasongs and I can't get enough of it. And I listened to Vespertine for the first time in a long time last night.

Coldplay has also been heavily featured. But they always are. It's just their newer CD rather than Parachutes. That's mostly because I can't find Parachutes, cause I adore that CD.

Bring on the "I love you, but you don't love me, I'll wait for you" songs. I like them. Don't necessarily need them right now, but they're great regardless.

It's coming up on time to go eat lunch. I'll do that. (mmm, Ash, Educated Palate menu... "Dear diary, I had the best lunch today...")
I am currently Content
I am listening to "Warning Sign" by Coldplay

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