clarification
02/28/2003 01:29 a.m.
Tim Ellis made me think a bit about my journal entry regarding vanity... he seemed to understand that I was saying anyone who had a picture was vain... oh no no. So here's the response in case anyone else was thinking the same thing:

Hmm... maybe I wasn't as clear as I should have been in my journal. I'm certainly not saying that because people have pictures or type whatever in their journals they're egotistical... not at all. I have a picture (which, by the way, was not digitally altered... I have a paper snowflake on my mirror and I took a picture of myself in the mirror) and a journal in which I write things that most people probably struggle to understand. I was referring to girls who put up their pictures and then their biographies say things like "compliment my poetry - not my picture" and crap like that. I'm certainly not going to deny (as I mentioned in my journal entry, actually) that I think ALL writers are egotistical. Anyone who parades themselves over the internet must have a tinge of the inflated ego. I've never denied that... Hmm... maybe I just wasn't clear enough.

So there you are. If you have that deal going on - the picture and the biography - please don't be offended... I was just using it as an example. Maybe you don't really have an inflated ego. Whatever. Sorry. I'll shut up now.
I am currently Unsure
I am listening to roommate's music

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too many journal entries...
02/27/2003 08:23 p.m.
I know, I know... this is my third today... I've lost my mind.

I just wanted to say *whew* I guess. Tommy emailed me and didn't seem upset at all that I didn't call him back. I was afraid. So that's good. I haven't heard from Koye so he may be upset... I really hope not. That Koye... what a great guy. Don't want him mad at me. Any more so than usual. :)

Tragedy of the moment: my new shoes are wet from the rain

Happiness of the moment: the bf's not upset! yay!

Hero of the moment: David R. Coy :)

"Thank you"s to: all who commented on or voted for "I hate this letter to you"

Dilemma of the moment: should I go to Legends tonight? (which logically leads to the question "what should I wear if I do?"... heavens)

Place I'd like to be RIGHT NOW: Baltimore, Maryland

That's all for now. And I promise, no more journal entries today. :)
I am currently Better
I am listening to "Murder on the Dance Floor" by Sophie (Ash (o: - "Sophie!!")

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really REALLY egotistical poets
02/27/2003 05:19 p.m.
No, it's just really odd to me how amazingly egotistical some people are. I figured, hey, I have a picture up, maybe I'll go check out some other "faces of pathetic.org" ... my gosh. It honestly made me think about taking my picture down. SO many people who have pictures on this site think they're the most beautiful, awe-inspiring, perfect kids ever. Oh my gosh. I mean, I knew writers were egotistical (we HAVE to be to want others to read what we write) but I never knew how many were into themselves so openly. Wow. Sorry, I just really had to get that out. *walks away in a confused daze*
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to wha...?

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the morning after
02/27/2003 04:54 p.m.
Hmm... closer to afternoon.

So yesterday one of my poems was poem of the day. How enjoyable. More reads than I ever, ever imagined. Wow. I'm still stunned.

I feeling bad today. I feel like... I don't even know what. I'm angry I didn't call Koye last night. We were supposed to talk. But Eric was over. He wants to take me to Legends tonight but... you know what?... someone got shot there last semester. That is not something I'd like to take part in. Plus, there's honestly no point. I'm not going to drink, I'm not going to dance... why should I even go? I dunno... we'll see.

Other than that, my brain is scrambled. I don't know what to do with things... Koye, you remember that conversation we had about holding hearts and putting them in briefcases across the room and all that? It's like I'm running out of hands. That sounds really horrible to complain about... but it's like I'm juggling and someone's is eventually going to get dropped. I just really don't want to be responsible for that.

I'm so whiny today. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go check email or something. Make me feel better, please? Thanks.
I am currently Jumbled
I am listening to some kids whispering

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Poesie kids, please reply
02/26/2003 05:31 p.m.
I've been meaning to write this FOREVER cause I'm SO curious as to who came here from Poesie...

I did :) My name was Ana Katchina... and I found out that my boyfriend was on Poesie long before I knew who he was!

I'm terribly interested in finding out who did indeed make the switch. Don't hate me. If you care, send me a little message to calm my rampant curiosity. Thanks guys!
I am currently Cheerful

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omg
02/26/2003 05:06 p.m.
Today is such an awkward day. Yeah... woohoo! Poem of the day. That is certainly enjoyable. Never thought I'd be a part of that so it's awesomely, wonderously great. Talk about a LOT of reads. Like, numbers I never imagined. Omg.

I talked to Koye a tiny bit last night... he wasn't in the mood to talk. It made me so horribly sad. And then I wrote a poem about him ("I love you"). He said he liked it and he felt happy reading it. That's... I don't know, one of main reasons I wrote it. I wanted him to feel better. The biggest reason, of course, is because I was feeling it. There was an enormous feeling of love. So there you go. Hopefully we'll talk to tonight and things'll be a bit better.

This whole Virginia mess with Tommy is on the verge of freaking me out. It's not the cheapest and he has to deal with parents and jobness and all kinds of stuff. I really want to see him, but I'm feeling like a big inconvenience at this point. I just hope it all works out. Hm...

I feel like I'm on a cliff when it comes to Eric... but I've sort of always felt that way with him. He doesn't give a lot of indication of what's going on... so I really have nothing to say. Except that it's causing me a lot of worry - about all kinds of things that aren't even really germane. But yeah. That's all about that for right now.

I'm going to go dance around and praise pathetic for making my poem (about my dearest Tommy honey, btw) poem of the day!!
I am currently Giddy
I am listening to my english teacher... shhhh, english lab

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remembering
02/26/2003 12:33 a.m.
He seems to pop in and say something breathtaking and then pop back out again. And I don't really notice til a few hours later when I'm wondering why he doesn't do that more often or if any other person I've known has ever read me so well...

Some days I wonder what things would be like if my dreams had come true. What if it had worked out? What would the plan be then? And it makes me sad that my plan is different from his plan. What if we had become *we*? And those days... all I can really do is remember. Think back on the things that were said... mostly said. *Done* wasn't really a huge thing... we didn't do much. Oh, some things were done, certainly. But it's mostly conversations that I can recall. The way I was so convinced about... whatever. Soul mates or true love or best friends or something like that. And how easily that was lost.

I don't really have any reason to complain. I don't want to evoke any pity... I don't deserve any. I'm happy. He's happy. Isn't that what I always wanted? ...yeah. It is. I remember that too.

"I just want you to be happy"

How many times has that been said? I'd be willing to bet everyone on this planet has said that at some point. Not that it's not honest... it was when I said it. And that's all I want. So I guess things are perfect.

I am currently Nostalgic
I am listening to that 70's show

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my tongue is burning...
02/25/2003 04:26 p.m.
Did that sound interesting? Sorry. It's cause I'm chewing Big Red. What a wimp I am.

I honestly have nothing to say. :) I actually just typed out a huge paragraph about Eric... and then deleted it. I never used to do that. But yeah. It was basically about how I need to set things straight. But I don't really know how to do that without being mean and going "stop treating me like your girlfriend - I'm not" you know?

So there you go. It's 11:30. I think I might check my email. Maybe. Yeah.

The xanga says more if you're interested. (yeah right)

Have a lovely week.
I am currently Loved
I am listening to ya motha

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woohoo!
02/24/2003 07:18 p.m.
I knew there was a reason to go to English today! I didn't want to go, you know. So I get there and my teacher's passing back the last essay we turned in (the one I wrote about Notre Dame) and he asked me if he could read a part of mine to the class! Oh my, flattery. He said I had a great anecdotal introduction and he enjoyed my description. :) *blushblush* So he read some of my paper and gave me all manner of compliments and I got an A on the paper. Yay! So happy. Wow. And he gave back my last essay quiz (that I thought I did badly on - I was one of the first ones done - that's usually not a good sign) but I got an A on that too! So far all As in English. I'm feeling p-a-rittttty good.

Don't get me started on math. I'd like to forget that I don't do so well in all my classes. :)

Just thought I should share. It's always nice when someone authority-licious praises my writing. My journalist/magazine article-writing English teacher in this case. Wow. I'm just really happy right now. I would SO dance if there weren't people in this lab.
I am currently Awestruck
I am listening to that STUPID Uncle Kracker/Sheryl Crow thing... ugh.

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thingsthingsthings
02/24/2003 05:09 p.m.
This is going to be short cause I don't really have anything to say.

I went home this weekend. Good times. Shopped, mostly. New shoes! I love shoes.

Hung with Eric last night. The Usual Suspects. Neato.

Koye's happy! That makes me happy! Woo! Koye! Woo! :)

I want it to be May. Right now. Or now. Or now. Or now.

Or Spring Break. I'd like it to be Spring Break now too. Sleeeeeeep.

That's all. I'll probably write more later. Goodnight. I wish.
I am currently Lustful
I am listening to childrentypingaway

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