yearbook
05/20/2003 08:28 p.m.
So Zane got his yearbook today. :P It's weird cause looking at it is like looking at a completely different world. I recognize a few faces, but none of them seem real. It was a terrible thing looking back through that and the only hint that our class existed was a picture of Matt Potts in JC Cameron's senior salute. Blegh.

I guess it just goes to show how permanent leaving can be.

And I just got finished reading Tommy's poem. It was really great. I've felt that way so many times. And it made me extremely sad. Is he back to hating me? He didn't email me back. This shouldn't be an issue for me but I'd rather he didn't hate me.

Oh well.

Um. I guess that's all I really have to say. I need to call my mom and ask her about Friday. I MUST go over to Koye's. I don't know what I'd do with myself! Not that anyone's graduating that I particularly love. Except Christina Roca. I luuuv that girl. And Rooooofus Moore. I like that Stanley boy.

Anyway. That'll be all.

Additional sorry to Asher Payne. :) What a guy. I enjoy him.

And thanks to Mark Demaline for understanding and letting me know he does. :)

Such a great site sometimes.
I am currently Peachy
I am listening to some song involving "let me love you down" ... 95.5 - I know :(

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one more comment about cliques
05/18/2003 10:47 p.m.
It has been made clear to me that it really isn't the fault of the poets on the lists, but that of the kids voting for them. It just pisses me off that pathetic is just a phase, a stupid attempt to "be cool" for some of these *middleschoolers* I've heard about. This is a site for serious poets, not a place for you to prove to Abbey and Ethan and whomever that you're cool. Since I'm not the only one annoyed by that, I'd like to apologize to Jared and Ethan who personally said "Hey, it's not MY fault" and made vaild points to me. Also to the others I mentioned, though they maybe didn't read it. But yes, I just need to redirect my annoyance, really. Sorry guys.

But I AM still after that frickin pony poem girl. Gosh.

;)
I am currently Bemused

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familiar apology
05/18/2003 08:27 p.m.
I think it's been proven (proved?) that I am simply terrible at being a girlfriend and a best friend at the same time. Eric feels neglected. Koye feels neglected. And I feel tired. I don't mean to mess things up so badly. This whole situation would be about a gazillion times better if at least one of us had a car. But no. The only three eighteen year olds in the whole world it seems without driving capabilities found each other and enjoyed. So this is an apology to Koye. A very familiar apology. I feel like I've let him down so much. Before the boyfriends... it was like... everything was figured out with me and him. We had a system. A way of doing things. This summer is different cause I have to accomodate me and Eric's systems along with me and Koye's. Eric calls every morning at 11. We talk until he needs to get ready for work. At night Koye calls... this is where I should really be more diligent about calling him earlier. (*mental note*) He calls and we talk until Eric calls when he gets off work. Then usually there's a three-way call... which is mostly disastrous. And people feel left out. And I'm sorry. We'll fix this. I'll make it better, I swear.

So much is going on... but when I think about it... my life only really involves a number of people I could count on my fingers. And I do a really good job of pissing them off.

Sorry.
I am currently Bleh
I am listening to the TV is on... I think.

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yes, you're whorish :) (and more on cliques)
05/16/2003 07:41 p.m.
Sad to come back after all this time to say something so negative, but it what's going on. Jared said he felt bad cause his poem about Asher got such high ratings and it's just cause it's about Asher. And you know, I understand. That just REALLY sucks. I mean, I'm certainly not saying Jared doesn't have the talent to make it to the top ten lists without massive support from the masters/whatever kids. He DOES have the talent to take him pretty much anywhere. I'm just saying it's discouraging to come to pathetic every day and see Andy DeLoach and Asher Payne and Ethan Payne and Abbey Meents ALWAYS in those lists because of the SHEER fact that they have a lot of supportive friends on this site. Yes, yes, I have taken to naming names. Sometimes I do that when I get really annoyed. I have nothing against those people personally. I've met a few of them and they've been nothing but nice to me. But when their poems are dominating the lists because they have a bunch of site friends to vote for their stuff, that just gets to me. I mean, I have seen some really not-so-great poems at number one. How does that happen? Recognition. "Hey! I know them! I'll give them a really good vote whether they deserve it or not!" And if these poets are so great as to always be on the top ten lists, how is it that just maybe one or two have made potd? I know people who deserve WAY more recognition than they're getting and the only reason they're not getting it is cause so many of that Lilburn, GA clique is taking all the space.

I've come off as a very mean person here and I really didn't intend to. But GOSH, give some other poets a chance to be recognized for their talent. Geez.
I am currently Angry
I am listening to Zane doing MUSICAL things with my keyboard

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oh heavens
05/13/2003 10:45 p.m.
It seems I'm scaring everyone! Gosh, I'm sorry, guys. Firstly! David (the coyest of the) Coy ... you should NEVER "go away." You're nowhere near my nerves, much less ON them. I adore you and don't know what I'd do without your constant support. I should be the one apologizing here! Because it's summer and I'm mostly doing summer things (cleaning, watching TV, basically being a bum), I don't get on pathetic as much as I used to. That's the ONLY reason why I haven't written in so long. :) You're great and you know it.

Now for the other Koye. :) My last journal entry was just goofiness. If you could've heard me talking about "funny Koye" you'd have understood. I was just in a silly mood. There is NO anger, only love and joy. Yes. I promise.

I should stop freaking people out!

On a happier note: "You make me believe that love can conquer all."

Has any boy ever said a sweeter thing? And heaven knows we have a lot to conquer. But you know... love and stuff.

My word... he makes me want to hand myself over.

I am currently Lovesick
I am listening to my little IM door sounds

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it's like a pun or something
05/13/2003 12:39 a.m.
How is everyone? I've been saying that a lot lately. Three-way conversations are ruling things. And my brother is all bruised. He's showing me. Hm. He should fall down less.

Hey guess what? Eric's coming over to eat with us and play Halo (that'd be with Zane, not me) on Wednesday. He doesn't actually know that yet, but oh it's happening, buddy. My dad doesn't know yet either and I have no idea how he'll take it. Well, I suppose.

Koye's a funny guy. Isn't he funny? Yeah, he is. And I agree that "Airplane" may be his best yet. Oh it's some good stuff.

And now it's time to vote down some really sucky poems in the top ten lists. Oh come on, don't even tell me I'm the only one that does that. If it sucks, get it outtathurr! Yep.
I am currently Silly
I am listening to Zane laughing at "Witty" in the mood list :)

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oh whatever
05/10/2003 07:38 p.m.
Randomly last night I fell into a bad mood and yelled at Eric for no real reason. Who knows if we'll be able to see each other tonight... Sidarius is upset or something. Blegh. Whatever. I'm wasting away, though. I'm really missing him. You have no idea how much I'll be staying in Statesboro next summer.

Well, at least ANGELA emails me back. >:P Again... whatever.

I am disappointed I didn't get to talk to Koye as much as I would have liked. There'll be major talking tonight as soon as I get back from dinner. Yes indeed.

Why am I listening to Eminem right now? Boy am I dumb.

You know what annoys me? When a person takes the time to give my poem a comment but won't take the time to vote for it. Everything on this site is based on votes. Which is dumb too, actually. So in theory a person can get 20 comments and no votes and never see any of the top ten lists. That is completely stupid.

And I guess I'm done now. Yeah.
I am currently Boisterous
I am listening to my mom just turned off the radio... >:( everyone hates me.

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happy and... well... pj harvey
05/09/2003 06:56 p.m.
Urgh. This may be gross or silly but I REALLY need to get it out. It took forever for my period to get here (I was about 2 weeks late, yeah) and now that it's here, I wish it would GO! It's like my uterus is plotting against me. Like he found out I shipped him off to The Chateau d’lf and took his girlfriend... few years later he finds some treasure and now he's out for revenge. Gosh. My uterus is the Count of Monte Cristo! I NEVER have cramps... in all my nine years of enduring this lovely curse, I've never had cramps. I guess they were all waiting and planning to gang up on me all at once. Well today is the day, my children. I am in knots. Ouch.

And maybe you really didn't need to know that, but oh well. Jared D. is posting some more... they're very enjoyable so get yourself to them.

What else? The tentative plan is to go to the movies with Eric and Sidarius tomorrow at like 12:45 at night. We'll see how the parents find that.

Koye's coming home today and that's gorgeous! I know he's sad to leave, but I'm happy he'll be closer now.

I need to clean so my parents will love me (and allow me to see my bf) but I am currently DYING so who knows what'll happen?

That's all, I guess. Ciao. (oh... Jared used to use the "ciao"!) Anyway...
I am currently Gross
I am listening to oo, ouch, owww, owie, oh ow, oooch, owie! OW!

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a rizzo moment
05/09/2003 11:50 a.m.
*heavy sigh*

everything's going to be all right. my stomach will continue to shrink as long as i keep doing those crunches. i can go to school in the fall as planned. my life is exactly what i wanted it to be. there's not a damn reason i could go on maury's show.

and i know why. i know it's because last night for the first time in all this, i turned to God and made pleas to Him. i apologized and begged and it was praying like i haven't done in years. and maybe that's why it's taken so long. it was Him holding out to see if i'd come to Him. i'm so glad i finally did.

now i can go back to my normal thought processes.

want to know something completely crazy? there's almost a sadness. yes, it would have ruined a lot of things. my parents would have murdered me with bare hands. and i'd have to live with rumors and pointing and whispering. but it would have been nice for a time. there would have been moments i'd enjoy. but not yet. now isn't the time. everything has its time and now is not the time. but at least i know i'm not completely averse to the idea.

gosh, when did things become so complicated? i wish Eric would call.

but really people, be thankful. don't take your life for granted.

*yet another sigh*
I am currently Cheerful
I am listening to not much... typing and birds and my own heavy sighs

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eight
05/08/2003 06:20 p.m.
Well, I suppose I'll jump right in here. Eric and I had about a 3 hour long fight last night. He... for some STUPID reason... told me about "rating" me when he first started talking to me. He apparently told Solomon he thought I was as pretty as Ashley Byers. Ok, now, I've never seen this chick, but Eric said she's an eight. EIGHT. So here's the thing - I don't think I'm a ten. No way. But I want a boy who thinks I am. Doesn't every girl want that? I mean, I was pissed. I just kept saying that I didn't want him to settle and if I'm not a ten, he must be settling. We went round and round in circles and he - being a VERY dumb boy - dug himself into many holes. I cried and cried and told him I didn't want to see him anymore (which is the custom when we fight... it's kind of lost its meaning at this point). He cried a little and said some of the most amazing things anyone's ever said to me. And it was like "Ok, he doesn't think my body is perfect - so fucking what? My body ISN'T perfect. But no one I've ever met has loved me like this." And I was better. And it's true... no one loves me like he does. No one has ever needed, wanted, loved me like I'm being needed, wanted and loved right now. "I'm gonna marry you." :) One of my most vivid memories of my first semester at GSU is lying in bed with him and saying "We're meant to be together, aren't we?" He just looked at me and gave that smile... the same one he has whenever I tell him I love him... and he said "Yeah, we are." And do you know what? We are.

P.S. Solomon said I was way prettier than Ashley Byers. :) I ALWAYS knew I liked that Solomon.
I am currently Romantic
I am listening to mtv is on but I'm not really listening

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