stuff
09/11/2003 07:49 p.m.
someone behind me is whispering. that bothers me. i can hear them talking but i can't hear what they're saying. are they talking about me? i guess it just shows the egotism. i find that a lot of people who claim to have low self-esteem are the most egotistical people around. i'm one of them. and it's not like there isn't low self-esteem... it's just in conjunction with extreme egotism. gr. don't ask me how to fix it. i don't know.

i haven't cried much this week and that's good. i think it's because i've been so busy with schoolwork that i don't think to ask where eric's been and with whom. i haven't called koye enough. i've been stalling and rushing and putting off schoolwork and this week is the week to fix it. so that's what i'm doing. yes. next week contains lots of exams. nothing to look forward to. it's one of those can't-see-the-forest-for-the-trees things. college - woo! daily work that amounts to college - yuck.

and i'm hungry. i think i'll go to lakeside and have a pizza. maybe a piece of pound cake too. who knows.

things are going and i'm trying to go with them... but it seems like no matter how fast i'm running, it isn't fast enough. story of my life.
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to people whispering... remember?

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what's the deal with ellipses?
09/09/2003 07:29 p.m.
Look at the recent activity list and tell me how many times you see those damn things. They're EVERYWHERE.

Anyway,
Aiko said get a PS2.
Andrew said get an XBox.
Koye said get a PS2.
Hudsebout and Mark said XBox.

GRRR. It was a tough decision, but I got an XBox. I figure I can buy a PS2 with my financial aid check next semester. :D OOO, and a Game Cube, yes.

Totally off subject - I miss the babies. All of them. David, Reece, Sophie, Sadie, Samantha and Sierra. (I've claimed Eric's sisters as my own since they're so darn cute.) I MISS THEM. I miss my grandparents too. That's what happens to me. I go away and miss people I didn't even see much while I was at home. Of course, I miss my parents and my siblings too. I miss my dad's picking and my mom's talks with me. I miss Zane, even. Well... yeah... I guess. :) Kim called when I first got down here and that was nice. I miss her and Derrick too. Gosh. Family.

And I think I'm going to write a paper about Koye for my english class. Yep.

That's all I can muster for now. I'm going to go get started on that paper in the comfort of my own dorm room. Have a good week, all.

I am currently Dorky
I am listening to people type

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hey, you video game people...
09/04/2003 11:16 p.m.
I, um, am going to buy, um, a video game system. I'm just trying to figure out if it should be a PS2 or an XBox. Um. Um. I'm also trying to pretend I can do all this and not be totally nerdy. Yeah... right.

We might go get whatever it will be tomorrow. It's not definitely going to be an XBox cause the only reason it was going to be in the first place was so my boyfriend and his roommates wanted to play Halo. Which I hate... by the way. And when I announced that I'd be buying an XBox for them to use, it was not as vehemently praised as I expected. So I said "Screw you guys" and I may just get a PS2. The only thing with that would be a lack of DOA3. And as my boyfriend just pointed out, an abundance of memory cards. Ugh.

Koye... help me. Which should I get? You're nerdy, right?

:D

Ok, I'm done. Someone give me some advice, pleasepleaseplease. Thanks. :)
I am currently Happy
I am listening to my boyfriend disobeying the rules

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financial aid check
09/03/2003 09:58 p.m.
Hmmmmmm... what to do with $1,606...??

Mark wants me to buy an X Box.

Eric wants me to tell my dad and give it all back to him... if I don't, he says, they might blame him.

I want to say "Hey Dad, got a check for $1000!" Heh heh.

Mark has just said that I shouldn't tell my dad, just use the money to buy an X Box for his use. And mine. And whomever else I deem worthy.

Eric said that would result in my going to hell.

Mark replied that Jesus wouldn't be mad about that.

I'm not going to put the rest of what Mark said because Mark can be very sacreligious at times. I don't like it.

So I guess I'll call my dad tonight and hope he'll be nice and tell me to keep it all. That's not unthinkable. He might just tell me to put it in my checking account. Hm.

They're now discussing my "richness." Goodness.

How silly. Now it's time to make peanut butter and banana sandwiches for the Elvis thing in Sanford. It's Elvis and I helped!
I am currently Puzzled
I am listening to myself adding and subtracting

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modification to the recent activity list
09/02/2003 07:32 p.m.
I think it's a PERFECT solution. Now people can move poetry over from other sites all a time without clogging the list. That brings me a lot of joy. I've been meaning to move my poesie stuff over and now I can guilt free! WOOHOO!

I, for one, greatly enjoy said modification.
I am currently Bemused
I am listening to not much of anything

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second day in statesboro
08/18/2003 03:19 p.m.
It's been... different. Yesterday Eric and Mark did things together. I was in my room for a while, just getting used to things, putting up pictures, stuff like that. Eric called and told me all he and Mark had done and that Chariece had come by. Somehow he got to the point that they were friends in high school and he couldn't just ignore her, in fact, he might hang out with her at some point. Well, I, the most unreasonable person to ever exist, had a problem with that. But I didn't really know what it was... just that I was suddenly crying and Eric was on his way over. Before he got there I laid on my bed crying and understanding why. Eric has people here. Friends. I am anti-social and have only been here for one semester. I don't have Ashley anymore. Eric is all I have here. The only people I really know are Eric and his friends. It's hard for me to make friends. I'm afraid of doing that. What if they don't like me? What if I'm not cool enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough? Whatever? I'm afraid to make friends. So I've become this cling-machine to Eric. But he was, of course, wonderful and sweet and vowed to be there for me when I was feeling alone and to help me make some friends. We watched Donnie Darko last night in his lobby to try to attract some people. I didn't actually meet anyone, but some people sat and watched it with us and we all talked. Later on we went to Robin's room and talked to a bunch of people. Tomorrow we're having the Kennedy Meat and Greet (a cookout) that I wasn't planning on attending but Eric thinks I should. So I'm going to cause I really would like to meet more people. Ok, so basically I'm 3. Quite a baby, this one.

You'll laugh... I'm in Eric's computer lab right now. :D Oh well.

So now I'm going to go see what books I can buy from the store before class starts tomorrow. A good week to all.
I am currently Shy
I am listening to Beyonce and Jay Z on the TV in the lobby

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off in the morning
08/16/2003 02:17 a.m.
I'm waking up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to finally make the drive down to Statesboro. My dad and I are going... no mom. I understand why she doesn't want to go... it's a long ride and she gets emotional. But I must say, three hours alone with my dad means certain arguing. About anything, everything, crazythings. I'm hoping I can keep music going so we don't have to talk too much.

Zane is being quite a brat. Ah, actually it makes me think of how bad I was at his age. I wasn't as outwardly mean as he is, but I had my things.

Quite a sidenote, I know.

I'll get to see Eric tomorrow and that's wonderful. I'll meet my new roommate which isn't too frightening at this moment, but will be as soon as we hit campus. Class starts Monday and that's really abrupt, I think.

I drove on the highway today. Got up to nearly 70 mph. I was scared out of my mind. And I learned that I'm much better at parallel parking than backing into a parking space. The little things you need to know about yourself.

Koye left today for Mass. Don't even ask me to say the name of that state. He called before he went and I thought that was awesome. It was so good to see him and Simeon yesterday.

Speaking of Simeon, I worked things out with Koye about what my feelings were last night. I was depressed and couldn't figure out why. Now I know and I'm much better.

I think I've run out of things to say at this point. It might be a while before I get my computer hooked up to the internet, so this may be my last post for a few days. Nothing new, though, right? :)

I hope you all have a good weekend. :)
I am currently Excited
I am listening to the Braves game

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lots of poems all at once
08/13/2003 08:10 p.m.
I'd like to publicly defend myself. The last day I posted a poem was July 23. If I want to post five poems at a time one day, I damn well can. Especially if I've never posted close to that many at a time.

It's amazing to me how people can find tiny things to pick at when it comes to this site. I've already said I'm staying out of the forums, and I mean it. They just cause stupid little fights about nothing and it's the stuff of children, I swear.

FYI, I'm annoyed that "Annoyed" isn't a choice in the mood box. I've felt that on many occasions.
I am currently Bothered

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I leave for 2 seconds...
08/07/2003 11:44 p.m.
(ok, a week)

and I'm forgotten? Ok, let's hear it... "Emily, you CAN'T be forgotten..."

Yeah, where are you people now? Mmmmm hm.

I am currently Anxious
I am listening to my mom laughing at Everybody Loves Raymond

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how scandinavian of me
07/25/2003 07:07 p.m.
I thought I could organize freedom!!

But really what I'm here to say is that I'm going to calm my xanga-ing down so I can post more regularly in my pathetic journal. It might cut down on the drama.

Yesterday night was all about worry. Worrying what other people are saying... or thinking... all kinds of things. People might be out there speaking of my decisions bluntly, blindly; assuming they know what has happened with me. Never stopping to think there might be a bigger picture they haven't seen yet. Or may never be allowed to see. There are some parts of people that will always be a mystery. I guess you don't really understand that until you're one of those people.

I remember thinking things about people who had graduated. Mean things. Things I had no business thinking. Putting down the girls who graduated and got pregnant soon after. Acting so high-and-mighty about girls that'd I'd heard had "done things." I NEVER knew them very well, but I ALWAYS assumed they were just slutty or couldn't control themselves. I never stopped to think that they were in love. That they were grown-ups and could make their own choices. I was too immature to see that. And I'm truly sorry for all the judging I did. I'm one of those big advocates for not-judging-ever-under-any-circumstances. And I fucked up. I'm just glad that I recognize that now.

Somehow at this point, I expect everyone else to realize the same thing. Well, it doesn't work that way. So I'm just going to have to suck it up. The people who really matter to me understand me. That's all I need.

And now I think I'm done with this for real. I need to go shower and get ready to go out for dinner. Hope you all have a good weekend!
I am currently Sympathetic
I am listening to not a whole lot

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