binge:purge
12/29/2003 09:47 p.m.
well, i've decided that i'm going to axe about half of my library; most from the archives (zero) folder. i'll probably be doing this in about a week; at which point, i'll delete all the poems in my archives without comments. if there are any poems you want salvaged, lemme know. because my library is absurdly large and full of crap which i dont want to admit to have written anymore.

i'm going to go through and mark some that i want to save, and then, to the gallows!

i'll work on my other folders, too. but that'll be later.

today is the 1 year anniversary of my most read (non potd) poem, razorblade kisses. 620 reads in a year. that's alot of freakin reads, i have to say.

so, let the cleansing begin!

peace:a
I am currently Boisterous
I am listening to the offspring- hit that

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not that anyone would notice
12/28/2003 04:47 p.m.
but, i've stopped using periods in my titles for poems that are rather emotional in nature. it's just my thing, i guess.
just so ya know.

in other news, i'm not so stuck in that funk anymore that i was yesterday. i hate baring my emotions, hence, i probably wont again for a while.
peace:a
I am currently Better
I am listening to presidents of the united states of america- lump

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do i sit here and fade away?
12/27/2003 10:04 p.m.
oi.
i am afraisd of being forgotten. of being left behind. of never getting back to where i was sure i would get to.

this doesnt make sense, but i'm just trying to cope with my own demons, and they're kicking me in the ass. i'm one of those people that thinks tha bad things will happen to good people for no reason at all. i am also a person who believes that, with enough effort, anything can be rationalized- which is why i feel like this; because i cant rationalize my situation at the moment; i can accept it, but i can not bring myself to understand it.

ach, i hate this fucking song. i hate john mayer, but it's on the radio, and i'm too lazy to get off my ass and go look for something else to listen to.

i would like to completely redo myself. because every once in a while, i want the phone to ring for me. i used to find myself to be at least moderately attractive. now i look like a strung out junkie, (pardon the cliche) perpetually recovering from the night before. i look and feel like a fucking wreck; and probably am one. i cant even look at myself in the mirror without thinking that i used to look better; that i used to be in love with someone who loved me back; that i used to be desirable.
now i'm just a shy little motherfucker who is a 13 year old on the verge of turning 18.

whatever. i guess i'll make it through this, it never fails.
i just have no direction. but i have a lot of words that i probably have held up too long, for the fear of sounding typical and average. and here they are.

thank you for whoever values me enough to have read thus far.

peace:a
I am currently Bummed
I am listening to billy idol- eyes without a face

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my tribute to pathetic...
12/25/2003 04:46 p.m.
this concept was stolen from aiko, who stole it from... i forgot. anyways, i'm going to tell yall just how much ya mean to me. capiche? capiche.

cymbre dolphay: one of my true, conversive friends here on pathetic. you have left me more comments than anyone else (cept maybe aiko)- and you rawk the casbah completely. no matter what time of day, i always seem to have some PM waiting from you. you are one of the only people i really chat with actively here. have a merry xmas, allright?

aiko scott: goodness, aiko. you just always, always, always have something enchanting in the works, or something so breathtaking that any comment i try to leave would just be understatement. you inspire me to write better things; you make me want to become a better poet. and you're always there, reading and letting me know what's going on with the stuff i'm working on. you are so remarkable, i cant even begin to think about it. i can not think of a pathetic without aiko scott.

paul osterlund: you were the first person who ever went out of thier way to encourage me in my writing; before you were even a member here, you emailed me about it. i still have that email; i remember that i was at the library when i got it. i was floored that you would contact me like that. you never compromise about any of your values (many of which i hold with you), and you're rather like a mirror image of me.

ashley caise: you were another one of those who sought me out. i know you not so much through your poetry; but rather through your great personality and the such. see, i dont remember how our friendship exactly started, but for whatever reason, it did. and i got to reading you, and i just couldnt resist who you were. you rule the world, child.

benjamin christian parmer: you have been my mentor, my guide here at pathetic. i remember way back when, you saw something in me that i just could not see. looking back, i still cant see what the hell you were talking about, but you had faith in me nonetheless. you have inspired me to be the person i want to be; and you have always, always, ALWAYS encouraged me to be that person. i can remember that both my first and second poems of the day were inspired by you somehow; the first being jaded rainbows, one that i wrote after joining the RC; the second being 'trouble with the butter', a poem i wrote after reading one of yours. you never fail my man. if i'm ever in orlando, i better get some free grub!

(ni)cole miller: man, you're so crazy. you were another one of those friends who got with me pre-pathetic. you're just generally a rockin friend; and the times that i've spent with you offline are just rad to the max. your poems are always right there, and i can always find something to suit my mood when i'm reading your stuff. it makes me so happy, you have no idea!

nalani soon: one of my favorites of the 'new generation' pathetic. from the first time i read your application piece, i knew that there was something special about your poetry. everything you write is golden; but still, you insist on making it better. there should be more nalani soon's out there. keep writing, cos i need to keep reading.

alaina schnieder: if i ever need any constructive criticism on this site, you're the person to give it. you make me strive to be better; you're one of a mere few (and about the only one to me) who will actually give honest, constructive criticism. i am a better poet beause of you; your thoughts are insightful, and your criticisms always cause moments of careful reflection. i am glad that you are here as well, child.

caitlin thompson: mon ami, caitlin. you are the reason i write so much. whenever i have written a good love poem, chances are it's because of you. because you make me feel like it's allright to bear my emotions once in a while; i can easily name 10 pieces in my library that i've written about you, and 10 more i havent published. your poetry is exciting, interesting, and amazing. you are my best friend, and you make pathetic just that much better. thank you.

a special thank you to gavin and the rest of the admins; without you guys, this place could not function, this place would not BE. and that is something that i cant really fathom. pathetic has been a huge part of my life for 2 years now. that's longer than any relationship that i've held with a human; and, though we've had our barbs here and there, i still couldnt imagine my life without it. so thank you.

my apologies for omissions and such, but my hands are rather sore at this point. i'll pick this up again later, methinks.... but merry xmas to all!
peace:a
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to clinic: the second line

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and doing my aiko impersonation..
12/21/2003 03:14 a.m.
heh, i just looked at my new member picture, and then looked at aikos. i've ripped off that pose to the largest degree. cept i look like shit, and she doesnt... lol. so, yeh.

i need one more poem to get to the majik number. that's right, 666 poems. crazy.

heh, i'mma gonna go. au revoir!
peace:a
I am currently Bored
I am listening to death cab for cutie- tiny vessels

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two years of patheticity.
12/17/2003 11:17 p.m.
well, a couple days late, but nonetheless, happy two year anniversary to me and pathetic. it's been a great relationship.

two freakin years, holy cow.

that is:

332 poems/year.
28 poems/month.
.92 poems/day.
.03 poems/ hour
et cetera.

and, even though the comments system wasnt in place for my whole residency here, we'll still tally that.

559 comments/year
46 comments/month
1.5 comments/day
.06 comments/hr

crazy, eh? thanks for the 2 years, pathetic.
I am currently Bored
I am listening to nine inch nails- closer

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on capture and such:
12/15/2003 01:49 p.m.
i will say this: thank goodness that we caught saddam. he was a tyrranical leader that violated every human right known to man, and deserves a life sentence. it's funny, because even though i'm most outspoken against captial punishment, i'm not so sure i can truthfully say that this wouldnt be a proper sentencing.
HOWEVER, that out of the way: it sure took us long enough. we only had to bomb 3/4 of the country to hell, lose countless soldiers, and countless civillians in order to do it. not to mention the 8 months it took to do it...

but still, this will somehow go down as a victory on georgieboy's record. which i'm not excited about.
ta, i must be off.

peace:a
I am listening to cake- open book

Comments (2)

death cab for cutie- tiny vessels
12/13/2003 12:31 a.m.
this is the moment that you know that you told her that you love her, but you dont. touch her skin, and then you think that 'she is beautiful, but she dont mean a thing to me'.
i spent two weeks at silver lake- the california sun cascading down my face. there was a girl with light brown streaks- yeah, she was beautiful, but she didnt mean a thing to me.
i wanted to believe that all the words that i was speaking as we moved to together in the dark, all the friends that i was telling and all the playful misspellings- and every bit i gave you left a mark. and tiny vessels oozed into your neck and formed the bruises that you said you didnt want to fade- but they did, and so did i that day.
all i see are dark grey clouds in the distance, moving closer with every hour. So when you ask "was something wrong", that i think "you're damn right there is, but we cant talk about it now." so one last touch, and then you'll go- and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more. but it was vile, and it was cheap- and you are beautiful, but you dont mean a thing to me.
--

i've fallen in love with this song, and the album it's on (transatlanticism), it's beautiful. highly reccomended.
I am currently Alienated
I am listening to death cab for cutie- transatlanticism

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time for a title change
12/12/2003 02:31 a.m.
ahoy. so, i think that i'm going to ditch the 'kid a' title which has been appendaged to my name for these last few months. its catchy, sure, but it gets old and what not.
so, i'm going to propose a few new monikers, and yall see wat cha think. input would be nice.

(a) song titles and such
(01) serpentine
(02) lucy ford
(03) ill communication
(04) death of an interior decorator
(05) amphetamine
(06) the poster on the wall.
(07) untitled 011
(08) talk show host
(09) Cerpin Taxt
(10) keyser soze

help! thanks!
I am currently Insecure
I am listening to coldplay- the scientist

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1,100
12/08/2003 04:31 a.m.
yet another milestone. this one took me a little longer to reach, but still. wow.
this comment came from ryan bailey on 'yin-yang'... a poem i worked my ass off to make. it was crazy.
and then, aiko sent me 1,101 not but a minute afterward. amazing. heh.
so, with all the new features and whatnot, i've learned how terrible a pathetizen i am. for instance, i've only left 251 comments on people's works. and most of those have gone to aiko or caitlin (thompson)... i'm really quite sorry. i'm working on becoming better at that, i really am. but maybe i'm a loser. or something. heh.

i'm listening to alot of new rap lately. my brother justin (whom is basically the coolest person i know) has taken to downloading a ton of good hip-hop and rap stuff. it's crazy. and it's really good stuff.

well, i'm done with this schtuff. have a wonderful night!
peace:a
I am currently Good
I am listening to deltron 3030- things you can do

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