I'm not a lesbian, but...
06/27/2005 11:32 p.m.
this was fun, regardless. and pretty accurate. if I were a lesbian, you know.

You scored as The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke. You are the lesbian who can connect your vagina to nearly every object in the entire universe, creative and a little creepy you always astonish your friends. The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke 95% The Bohemian Dyke 75% The Granola Dyke 70% The Student Dyke 65% The Sprightly Elfin Femme 60% The Femme Fatale 60% The Quasi-Gothic Femme 60% The Surprise! Dyke 60% The Pretty-Boi Dyke 55% The Stud 55% The Magic Earring Ken Dyke 25% The Little-Boy Dyke 25% The Hipster Dyke 15% What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.) created with QuizFarm.com

I am currently Jumbled
I am listening to Mariah Carey, darn it

Comments (2)

look at me, the surprising exhibitionist
06/08/2005 07:06 p.m.
things have worked out with Simeon. we are cool. and that is refreshing. gooooooood times.

counseling has been making me think about a lot of different things. especially that I have a lot less self-awareness than I used to. it's because me and Koye haven't talked in so long. I'm convinced most of this is for that reason. but I'm figuring out who I've become and... I gotta say, it's not great.

PJ Harvey is helping. I should buy Dry. I really should. I've known that since the "Happy and Bleeding" debacle, but I'm rediscovering it. maybe a birthday present? it's coming up, children.


SHEELA-NA-GIG

I've been trying to show you over and over
Look at these my child-bearing hips
Look at these my ruby red ruby lips
Look at these my work strong arms and
You've got to see my bottle full of charm
I lay it all at your feet
You turn around and say back to me
He said

Sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
You exhibitionist
Sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
You exhibitionist

Gonna wash that man right out of my hair
Just like the first time, said he didn't care
Gonna wash that man right out of my hair
Heard it before, no more
Gonna wash that man right out of my hair
Turn the corner, another one there
Gonna wash that man right out of my hair
Heard it before
He said

Sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
You exhibitionist
Sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
You exhibitionist

Put money in your idle hole
Put money in your idle hole

Gonna wash that man right out of my hair
Just like the first time, said he didn't care
Gonna wash that man right out of my hair
Heard it before, no more
Gonna take my hips to a man who cares
Turn the corner, another one there
Gonna take my hips to a man who cares
Heard it before
He said

Sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
You exhibitionist
Sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
You exhibitionist

Put money in your idle hole
Put money in your idle hole

He said "Wash your breasts, I don't want to be unclean"
He said "Please take those dirty pillows away from me"
He said "Wash your breasts, I don't want to be unclean"
He said "Please take those dirty pillows away from me"

I am currently Better
I am listening to "Down by the Water" by PJ Harvey

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oops
06/06/2005 06:55 p.m.
oops.

honestly, I don't think anyone ever listens to me/reads what I write/pays attention to me in general. honestly.

so... I'm dumb. and confusing... maybe? and maybe I should just, you know, cut it out.

maybe that's what I'm in counseling for. I've been journaling for that, and I'm thinking of moving that over here. I don't know, though. it's personal stuff, and letting everyone on here who knows me read it... might be a bad idea. or a really good one, who knows?

we'll see, I guess. my apologies to anyone I may have confused. I'm sorry. I'm dumb.

it's raining here again. it's like frickin Seattle down here. it's a wonder we've not all got SAD. what a silly name for a mental thing. how silly. silly.

I should stop typing now. for real.
I am currently Clueless

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journal
06/03/2005 07:32 p.m.
I was reading some old journal entries of mine and I came upon one I thought was interesting. I'll take out names and anything too blatant... but I want to post it. in hopes someone might read. maybe. I don't know. I don't really know what I'm looking to accomplish. maybe just want to evoke some memories? but here it is.

Speaking of physical contact, I saw *** last weekend. He's been really sweet. He came and picked me up at about seven and we stayed together til about 12:30. It was great. We went shoe shopping and then walked around the mall some. He and I had been flirting and saying we were going to make out and all kinds of things for about a month. It was all in good humor, but it was still happening. So from the beginning of the night he'd been very touchy with me and at some point he was holding my hand. It was a nice thing. I'd never held hands with him before but I'd imagined it and then, before I knew it, it was happening. And it was so sweet. I knew it wasn't a girlfriend/dating thing. He's still hung up on ***. But the whole night was about "even though other things are crashing down all around us, at least we have each other." That was the theme. Because last weekend *** was in *** "working things out" with ***. So *** suggested we get some ice cream but it was freezing outside so we decided to watch a movie at his house. We had no idea what to watch so *** suggested the movie ***. Just about a week earlier *** had mentioned to me that it was his favorite movie. So I told *** that. He said, "Well, we can't watch it then cause you'd be thinking of him the whole time." And then a lightbulb came on for both of us. "Wouldn't it be funny if we made out to it?!" So we did. It was all very humorous and lighthearted. He went in for the first kiss about ten times and each time I'd avoid it or start laughing. It was so funny. And then we kissed a bit. It was such a free, open thing. We love each other, and we're not dating, but we weren't afraid of showing our affections. It was really nice. On the way home we talked and made sure nothing had changed. I sincerely think nothing has. It was hard for me to hear that he went out the next day with ***. But I've never liked him dating her anyway. So things remain the same. Better, even. Cause now *** knows that I'll always be there for him and I know the same about him. He'll be there if I need a boy to make out with to get back at someone. What are friends for, really?

and this is the way you bury things like this.

I am currently Nostalgic
I am listening to "C'Mon Billy" by PJ Harvey... hmmm...

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Alanis wrote this about him
05/11/2005 06:47 a.m.
by chance I was listening to my old, dusty Jagged Little Pill CD and this song caught my attention. hey, Koye, check this out:


"Wake Up"

You like snow but only if it's warm
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you

You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
And you sit...and you wait...to receive
There's an abvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistance
Could make you try tonight

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you...
There's no love no money no thrill anymore

There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand

But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you

get up get up get up off of it
get up get up get up off of it
get out get outta here enough already
get up get up get up off of it
wake up


sounds a little like someone I know. hm.

I am currently Reflective
I am listening to You Oughta Know by Alanis

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funny
05/05/2005 04:28 p.m.

I have written significantly more poems about him than about boys I've actually dated. is that wrong? I just think it's funny. and kind of sad. but what's not sad about that whole thing? my heart is so raw when it comes to him. I hope he values that. I don't think he does, but I wish he did. he should.

I am currently Sad

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talking feels goooood
04/21/2005 04:28 a.m.
I talked to Koye on AIM for a while tonight and it made me feel so much better. he comforted me about the whole Simeon/Japan thing and I definitely needed that. I was telling him how scared I am that college is going to end and everyone's going to disappear. but Koye made me feel a lot better about it and I got the usual reminder that no Loyola girl's going to take my place. :) always a nice reminder. what a guy. I'm really ready for July so I can get to spend some time with Koye just hanging out.

I also got to talk to Tyler who I haven't talked to in months. he's such a sweet guy. I feel like he's kind of a weird combination of Koye and Simeon. do you know those people you talk to and you feel like you just want to hug them and tell them it'll be ok? he's that person for me. I want to make him feel better, but I kind of know deep down that I won't be able to and that just ends up making me feel useless. but I want to be a friend to him, and I've never really connected with anyone so quickly and effortlessly as I connected with Tyler. we definitely knew each other in a past life. we were best friends in the middle ages or something. and I want to do my best to show him that he is really special and important.

tomorrow these conversations will materialize and happen in oral form. that is the plan. I'll be done with class for the week and I'll be wanting to just lay back and chill.

someone explain to my boyfriend the phenomena of me being better friends with boys than girls. he doesn't get it. help me help him get it.

I am SO off to bed, it would make your head spin.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to "modern romance" by the yeah yeah yeahs

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the phone
04/16/2005 04:39 p.m.
I am saddened and comforted to remember that the phone works both ways.
I am currently Frustrated
I am listening to nothing

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that thing
03/24/2005 06:23 p.m.
I don't care for it. I used to. it just seems empty to me these days. there is no love and no one ever falls into it. I don't know. seems like one of those times has come around where nothing exists but the bad side. the lust and the anger and the barren. seems like my mind is totally full of those things. nothing pretty, no love, no smiles, no chocolate at all. vinegar. so I can't take it. I don't want to hear about it. I don't remember that feeling. I just feel scared and empty and alone. it's funny cause I get offers... I'm not without offers... but they're all offering just the same. the lust and the anger and the barren. those three again. no love, no chocolate. none of those feelings. so those offers mean nothing.

we've all lost our minds. that's just all there is to it.
I am currently Alienated

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nickname and things
03/18/2005 02:22 a.m.
I break to pieces when any boy calls me Emmy. Eric, Simeon, Mark, Zane, David, doesn't matter. it breaks me to pieces. I don't know why. just does.

the break has been really nice. I was supposed to see Jared today, but my mom decided it was our day instead. sorry Jared. my phone was at home so I didn't get your calls. I feel like such a jerk. I don't just like you when you're around... I like you all the time. but the parents have been very possessive this break. that's why I'm not in Baltimore right now. sorry.

got some shoes. some Roos and some Converse. very cute and colorful. also got to go to World Market and that always makes my day. got a tote bag with elephants on it and a brass statue of Ganesh. wonderous.

I think Zane's going to make us play 90's Trivial Pursuit again tonight. yep.

that's all.
I am currently Tired

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