Settling In
08/06/2004 05:30 p.m.
First, my apologies to anyone who has left comments on my poems if I haven't thanked you. I've only been online about 4 times since the end of May.

We have moved into our new house, but we are still unpacking; a process which is promising to be a very long and drawn out event. I haven't managed to get my home computer back on the internet yet. I have a wireless highspeed modem connection, I just have to get it installed. As a few of you know I'm by NO MEANS technically savvy, so I'm hoping that one of my friends or family can bail me out on this one

I started back to work yesterday, which means I can now access Pathetic from the job, however I have to limit my time as my classroom is on live camera feed to the office. WOOHOO!

I'm excited about this year. The program I am teaching in has been completely overhauled and revamped. I think there have been some major improvements, which will really benefit the students in the long-run, although many of them will be very reluctant at the beginning.

Well I guess I'll get running for now. We are all doing as well as can be hoped, but there are a lot of things that will only get better with time.
I am currently Calm

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Back home
07/20/2004 04:51 a.m.
After sleeping overnight in the airport in Ontario, CA... we finally got back home last night.

Nothing has been done in regards to services and burial. My ex- mother-in-law is being impossible to say the least and she won't answer calls from my family.

I have an appt. for my son to see a counselor on Thursday, just to make sure he is coping with everything ok.

In the meantime I have a full plate. I have to go get dental work replaced this week, go get copies of the boys' birth certificates again (I can't find the copies I got last summer and things are chaotic with trying to get packed to move).

Next week I am supposed to be closing on the house Monday, I have to work Tue-Thurs. and Friday I have an appt. with Soc. Security. Despite that my ex-mother-in-law has so far refused to sign the death certificate, SS said they can get death verification from the state of California, and go ahead and process the boys' survivor benefits.

I'm of the mind to hold our own memorial service for my ex for the benefit of the boys since this is dragging on so long. My oldest son's birthday is the beginning of next month, and I don't want him to have to go through a funeral, etc. right before his birthday.

Please continue to remember us in your prayers. Our path in life is often dificult, but it's one we must follow and find our way on.

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Prayer
07/12/2004 06:09 a.m.
shortly after I posted my previous journal entry, I received a phone call from California.

My boys have been out there seince July 2 to spend some time with their father. He was killed instantly today in a roll-over accident in the rig that he was driving.

Iam waiting to hear back from his g/f before I make arrangements to pick them up and bring them back home.

My oldest son is taking this very hard. Some of you are aware of the difficulties my son has been facing outside of this, and this is a severe blow to him.

Both of the boys, as well as my entire family are still coming to terms with the loss of my nephew in May, and now they have lost their father as well.

Pray for them and for me, that I can find a way to comfort them and to help them cope with this tragedy.


I am currently Sad

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I'm Still Alive...
07/12/2004 03:10 a.m.
and I'm doing great, just had a major mess-up with the phone company... I cancelled the transfer of my service, they didn't get it in the computer so I've been disconnected for more than a week. it's going to be up to two more weeks before they get me reconnected, and by that time I'll be ready to close on my house!

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, I wish I could get here and spend some time to catch you all up on the last couple of weeks.

The boys are in California for the rest of the month.

I'm procrastinating packing!

My Grandfather just got out of the hospital... so much has been going on

and I come back today to see that Paul has POTD! Congratulations Paul!

Bob, Keri, Paul, all my 30 somethings buds... I miss ya!

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Time to empty the case...
06/29/2004 05:44 p.m.
It's been a while since I've posted in my journal. A LOT has been going on, I just haven't take the time to regurgitate it into written form.

It has rained here for almost a week! I am getting tired of rain, BUT on the upside, the best time to go house hunting in Houston is after downpours, so you know what does/doesn't flood and can check out any roof issues.

I'm still waiting to here from the mortgage company about my loan pre-qualification. There are several houses that I think would work, a couple that are even under $90,000. Now I just hope they don't need a lot of work and fixing up inside since I probably won't have that kind of cash available, and I'm definitely NOT Amy Winn, or any other version of the female carpenter all around fix-it person.

Once again the boys' father has flaked on getting them. He is too busy driving a dairy truck from the farms to the dairies (I guess that's how it goes) all over Southern California and Nevada, that he can't come pick them up, nor does he have or will he spend the money to buy them full-fare tickets, so if the boys are going to see their dad it's up to me or my mom to fly them out to California. I'm sure it'll also be our problem to get them BACK to Houston before school starts too. Sheesh he aggravates me with his irresponsibility! I haven't seen child support in over a month again, he's made NO attempt to pay me for the last two years of medical coverage I've had on the boys, let alone their other medical bills. We're talking over $8000 in insurance premiums alone!

Well I guess I better get going, I need to go online and see if my sons' Drs. are on the new insurance plan before I go and cancel my coverage on them.
I am currently Anxious

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1 ball, 2 strikes....
06/25/2004 03:21 a.m.
and I'll be damned if I go down without a fight!

1 ball- I had a townhome all lined up and ready to move into, and I walked away from it.

2 strikes - I've tried to rent two different houses and both times I was declined and another applicant was chosen over me.

So after getting the bomb dropped on me again today, I talked with my realtor and asked her to go ahead and run my credit report through her lender, so at least she might know why I keep getting declined.

Her lender called me while I was at the grocery store today... he said my credit is good enough I can qualify to buy! SO.... I guess I try that route now... I just hope I can find a place quickly so I can be moved in before school starts.
I am currently Anxious

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Melancholy on Father's Day
06/21/2004 05:19 a.m.
I called my dad today... he didn't have much time to talk because he was teaching. Things have been haywire in my family for months. The big "D" makes everything unsettling.

I've been thinking about Andrew a lot the last couple of days. It's been a month today since he passed. Things that I once would consider child's play, can now make me edgy... kids dunking each other in a pool, etc... I'm on nerve. Last my son was dunking his head in a cooler of ice water to "cool off" and one of his friends pushed his head further in the water... I almost FREAKED!. Someone standing next to me said "they're just playing" and there was a time I would have said/thought the same thing, but not any more.

I've only taken the boys to the pool once since school was out. As soon as other people started coming around and horse playing I got them and went home!

My teenage cousin is a life-guard at a water park. He's saved 4 lives this summer. He's the only life guard that's saved anyone...

I'm back to rambling again.. so much going on, so much left to do... tomorrow I'm going to call a realtor and see if I can get a house to rent... I know which one I want, I just don't know if I can comfortably afford it.... they say you should make 3-4 times your monthly rent, but I like to have more cushion than that....what to do?

I am currently Melancholy

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Fiddlesticks!
06/15/2004 01:58 a.m.
To start with... Lani is gone! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I didn't get the house I put the deposit down on. The guy didn't let the realtor know until yesterday that he accepted another application over mine. After waiting for a week for the guy to get back from California, the other house that was available is now no longer available, and right now there isn't anything in my price range available, in the area I want with 3 bedrooms... let me rephrase, nothing I would consider inhabiting with my children.

Well at least I got the $850 back, I've written the check for the electric, the cable, and I've paid my cell phone bill. I still have the regular phone bill and my student loan payment to pay this month, as well as catching up on my car payment... I'm about $80 behind, not even a full payment, and it's not 30 days late.

So... I guess I'll be going month-to-month at the apt. until I found a house to move into... that's gonna increase my rent about $100 - $150 a month, but that'll still be less than renting a house, and I don't have to pay any extra deposit to stay here.... HOPEFULLY, I'll be able to find something by the end of July.

My stomach pains are gone, just an icky feeling, it may turn into heartburn in a day or two, but let's hope it doesn't.


I am currently Fine

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jibberish
06/14/2004 04:00 a.m.
my brain is a cold glob of lumpy left-over mashed potatoes... I've had a lot of things going through my mind, interesting thoughts and ideas, I just can't organize them into anything coherent.

Well, I didn't win the $100 million lottery... no one did... guess I'll buy a ticket to the next drawing like everyone else and make the jack-pot that much bigger for some other lucky schmuck....

Guess I'll call about the house tomorrow, since I put the money down on Tuesday and haven't heard anything back yet... 16 days until the end of the month, until I need to be out of this place!

I haven't been feeling great the last couple of days. It started Friday and I was in horrible pain. My friend was ready to take me to minor emergency, but I wouldn't go because I figured they would just send me home anyway, and why spend the money.

Last night I had a headache that turned into a migraine that made me nauseous... and of course there was some huge party or something going on at the pool (my bedroom has a sliding glass door to the balcony overlooking the pool) after the pool was supposed to be closed. I went into my bathroom, turned off the lights, closed the door and laid down on the floor, and I could STILL hear the imbeciles... I finally called the police, again... this is at least the third time in a month I've called the police about the loud revelry at the pool, that doesn't include all the times I've called the answering service for the apts. or complained to the office about it....

anyway, I continue to have the same kind of problems I've had before with my stomach. Several people have suggested I have gall bladder problems. I refuse to go to the Dr. to find out what, if anything is wrong with me, because I dread the worst case scenario and I just don't have time to deal with that at this point.... too much to get done, and if I'm not here to do it who else is going to get it done?

Well I'm completely rambling now so I'll just leave now before it gets any worse.
I am currently Anxious

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If it all falls apart...
06/13/2004 03:03 a.m.
well I do have a few things up my sleeve.

I haven't heard anything about the house yet. I'm hoping to hear something by mid-week next. If not...

well I bought a lottery ticket for tonight's $100 million, if I win I won't have to worry about renting, I'm gonna by myself a house on land with a stable and horses, and pay off all my bills, and pay of my parent's bills (I figure it cost them enough to get me grown), travel a LOT! and not tell ANY of you! hehehe...

I got numbers for other rentals...

if all else fails, I can rent a storage unit for all my crap, grab my grandfather's RV and go live in a RV park or campground until I find a house... oh GOSH pleasedon't let it come down to that!

Other things have been on my mind lately, but I think I'll right it out on paper first before I try to put it in here.


I am currently Stupid

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