GRRRRRR......
03/25/2003 08:08 p.m.
Crash
Boom
Slam
Little pieces of debris everywhere
Snap
Crackle
Pop
The familiar sound of cereal in the morning
Drama
More drama
That's all I have left to hide me from the REAL pain inside
I'm hollow
Shallow
Alone
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to th neverending fight

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Two years
03/19/2003 03:55 a.m.
So another two year memory, eventually I will not remember when I write out the date, and then I will just forget the date completely. But until then, I hold my head high as I walk past you, and pretend that I have no idea that today use to be a special day to us.


All of these "our"'s and I'm all alone...
I am currently Nostalgic
I am listening to Irionic

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=) Falling?
03/14/2003 02:23 p.m.
Why don't they make more of you, so there could be more of you for me.
I am currently Cute
I am listening to eghhhh......Claudia

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2-26 "How Did I Fall In Love With You"
02/27/2003 04:11 a.m.
So.....what do I say to this, another year, another triumph. And if I've analyzed this, tomorrow is another day to say another year...I busted my bum on the beach =) But today is not so light, and at this moment tomorrow is sorrow filled too, he just doesn't know it. He doesn't know that I know he's lied, or shall I say not fully expressed the truth. How do I bring it about, is it my business anymore, should I even care, should I even be wasting my energy to say this now??? He's worth it, but he really he's not, he's typical. And on to the other him....oh my god....I never know what to say or what to do, but I feel I need to talk to him now, I need to see him and make this "anniversary" a joke....we both need a good laugh to scare away the awkward silence.
I am currently Obsessive
I am listening to I know now your my onnnnnly hope -A walk to remember-

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YOU LIAR!!!
02/18/2003 04:15 a.m.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....I can't believe it, he lied to me. HE LIED TO ME!!! Sorry for the over-exaggeration, all men lie, all people, but he was suppose to be different. Our relationship was based on the fact that we had stripped away the bullshit lies and were left with nothing but the naked truth. Even though sometimes I do wish that he would lie to me so I wouldn't have had to know about all of the things that go on.....but we all have our ugly flaws, but why did he cover this one. After all of the things he's told me, why hide this.....something must be up. Something.....they'll probably...together.....I don't know, because he's lied to me. FINALLY. And now I have to second think about all of the other moments where he might have wanted to hide another secret from me.....after all, he's cheated before, who'd ever know but him and her......I use to know that. Except on to another stupid fit....she'd love it if she could, if he would, if he did....who knows maybe she grins just waiting for the truth to be exposed to me, and she waits to bathe in my remorse.
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to Breathe..(ha)

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Daddy would be proud
01/20/2003 11:34 p.m.
Tis a far, far better thing than I have ever done before. My karma is back to good now, I just can't help but help. I love to make others happy.....sad, but it makes me happy. How funny that sounds, corney, and all kodak like, becomming happy by making other happy....oh no, I'm a do-gooder
I am currently Fabulous

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Merry Christmas
12/25/2002 07:59 p.m.
Christmas sucks! BAHUMBUG! Or maybe I'm just waiting for that moment, where the air is still and the realization comes to me. And then I'll finally let it hit me.....it's Christmas!
I am currently Anxious

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Of coarse I waited
12/11/2002 03:07 a.m.
I'm so emotionless at this moment,
Yet this is when the air is still
And all is fine.
shouldn't I be feeling more?


Once again this feels like deja vue....the damn cycle I just can't seem to rid myself of. You may not know where he is, but I can tell you without a doubt that he's "visiting", as always.
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to children that won't sleep

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I might regret it later
12/04/2002 02:53 a.m.
It's not fair to me, but what else is new. You'll be screwed whichever way you choose to go.....and I don't think I'll make it. So where are we, better yet, what are we? Is this it....after all that waiting. I guess I just sit back now and watch what's going to happen next. I hate loving you sometimes, because it's never fair to me.
I am currently Hurt
I am listening to Kiss the Rain

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Afraid
11/20/2002 03:26 a.m.
Is it ok to feel afraid?
Because I am...sometimes
Afraid of taking a chance,
Afraid of losing,
Even afraid of winning sometimes.
I'm scared to love too much,
Scared to hold on too tight
When you may want to be free,
Scared of letting go
When I need you to hold me.
And I need to know
If it's ok to feel afraid,
Because sometimes I am...
Because I love you so much.


I found this in a book one time and just had to write it down.....and now it fits to me, but the fear won't win this time.
I am currently Proud

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