Today's Revelations
05/03/2006 10:32 p.m.
Life is so brilliantly screwed up. I just hope I'm lucky enough to have my mistakes lead me to happiness.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to "Repeat the sounds of joy"

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Because procrastination beckons...and spelling is overrated
05/01/2006 04:08 a.m.
Ahhh! I signed on to write a lil entry and pass some time away from my stats book and I say I had a spotlight on my record!! Actually on March 10, which I recoreded that day in my personal journal that something seemed familiar or memorable about that day. Oh well, I'm just being all silly and so0 exciteable.

So0 how do I say fuck you without being or sounding to angered??? I don't care anymore. You told me not to,and I'm so glad that I didn't try to think of you as a random disappearing friend for years now. Because then it would probably kill me everytime you never change. Oh wait I'm sorry it's not your fault, entirely. Blame it on what you will, I never stopped speaking to you because of posessive people. But it's ok, because you don't upset me, you don't make me cry, you don't take my breath away, and you can't even make me smile for long these days. You know i always wondered why I was so bad with people leaving, right at the end of the conversation I turn sour, the moment you head for the door I try to convince you to stay. Ughhh for the longest I couldn't figure where I got this overwhelming concern that people would never come back if they left. And a part of me blames (pause got a text...ahhhhhh john is too adorable and boys are only troubles for friends, nevermind...back) my father. When someone doesn't call me when they're suppose to I kinda freak a bit and get all worried that they're not going to come, meaning we had plans. Sadly most of the time this does mean the evening will unfold as predicted and cancellations and rain checks will be delivered. (ok pause again Schmo is calling :] Ughhh it's hard to stay in this mode after talking to him. But I'll get to that soon.) Whenever my dad use to have plans to come down to see me, I'd expect a call from him when he was suppose to be leaving Daytona....but he wouldn't call. And I'd be sitting around waiting for him, staring out the window wondering what it'd be like to go to a father daughter picnic. Ha, me and my dad....I use to idolize him, and I really never knew why or had any reson to other than the yearning to want to be a daddy's lil girl. I wanted to be the gleaming in his eyes, and I probably was, but where was he? He disappeared for over a year in a half. Ughh nevermind my father was a fuck up and he's sorry and I haven't spoken to him in over two months.....familiarness. Then my brother just left me, I mean he's still there and we were never really all that close. But we had an unspoken bond and understanding. And he left me at that house, with that asshole. He was able to leave and he did, and I couldn't.....he left us there to rot and couldn't find a way to stick around, if not to just monitor mom and the fights. I was no help there, every night I'd walk out slamming the door and driving off into the darkness to get away, because if I stayed I couldn't be too sure of safety. Gah, too much seriousness for what I intended this entry to be. Just wanted to say a lil fuck you you're a worthless friend, and then correct myself, aquaintence. This life is pointless sometimes. People come in and out of it at alternating moments and it's fine, it's my problem that I thought you were more. My bad, I thought I could count on you one day, but who was I kidding. What was I trying to make you anyway. Egh, as long as you say goodbye before ya die right, ha, there it is my lil it's ok it's always ok and lets move on so we can have fun talks. And then you go. (I just can't help it), you never stay long and it hurts (there I said it).


Thank gosh gee golly for Jimmy Eat World, otherwise I'd be (god dammit cocksucker mother fucker! someone's gotta interrupt my music jam AGAIN!) grrrrrr.....I gotta take this call and then study all night long for stats and advertising finals tomorrow morning. Maybe coffee break with john or alone, funnnnnnn!

I L0ve Caffeine!

I am currently Tired
I am listening to Needless to say...it's all in there

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Ughh
04/25/2006 06:43 a.m.
Third wheeling
I am currently Alienated
I am listening to Paramore, and drunk Nicholas in the background

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The night should be over
04/18/2006 05:57 a.m.
I want someone to fight for me
(sorry that was a random sidenote)

He's calling me butthead again, and sad to admit that I'd be ecstatic if he really came to visit me. Unfortunately I know how it all will happen...and how it all will end.

And yesit's late and I'm up and my tummy has been doing backflips all day long. So0 much butterfly motion that it actually made me ill and I've spent the day laying around being bored talking to Schmo. Ughhhh....I gotta work a double tomorrow and I haven't really written in forever :(
I am currently Restless
I am listening to Emery

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04/14/2006 08:12 p.m.

Friday, April 14th - Ozone CDs
Show @ 7:30 p.m.


Going to see my boys tonight rock the...well there's not realy a stage so I guess they'll rock the rug. Tear it up!! Haha! Ok so I wanna be less blah and more productive. And alas this is still a no go. And then this Sunday I've got an amazing idea to have an Easter dinner with my makeshift family, all of my Orlando friends. And Schmo is going through some hard times, love him, wanna help him, but I know the costs to me.....

Anyway I should take a shower and get ready. I still gotta finish my tank so I can show M.A. my l0ve. They are my life :]
I am currently Cool
I am listening to My Adalyn "Every Scar Bears A Story"

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Serious deep convo
04/12/2006 06:08 a.m.
Fuck boys, fuck them up their stupid asses. lol, funny but so0 true. I'm so0 tired of girls getting fucked over by some lil punk that thinks it's ok to just go around and continue to have random hookups when he's seeing someone amazing. And we're not even going to start about how I'm personally affected by this bullshit; yea of coarse I'm involved, I always get myself into shit that could be avoided. Ughhhhh thank god right now it's not me, last thing I need.
Anyway, I may have a sorta date this week, but we're going to ignore that impulse because it'll fade and pass as the setting sun.
Anyway, Nick is here and he usually makes me happy :] Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................I did say usually right? Anywho, it's not his fault, but he tries. Only guy that can live when me and Ashley kill the male population is Nick. So he can teach all of the new born boys how to act and treat a lady.
My secrets are obvious and any fool who cared enough could look right through the facedes. I make it so0 easy, but it seems there is no fool to care........
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to IM dodop sound

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I'm yes for positive
04/08/2006 11:17 p.m.
I'll be living with two boys next year, yeaaaa....I know what you're thinking, and it'll porbably be true...hahaha.

And ummm hopefully a new office job and yea things are looking brighter, and yea I'll probably screw it up somehow.

And ummm.....I plan on having more fun then my schedule can handle, and yea I'll probabaly overload my schedule as usual.

But guess what?!?! I don't give a fuck, hahaha!

Mad movie and party, or at least movie and get drunk eveing ahead for me =) And I better see my bestest girlie while she's in town or I just may realize how much I've lost of myself with a the change of a zipcode.

p.s. forget the ones that hurt you, they have done the same
I am currently Quippy
I am listening to Damon Rice, music of the soul derrr

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Needed filling
04/06/2006 07:07 a.m.
I wish I could be someone's everything again, if just for tonight. These top shelf liquors can't hide pain past 2am and I'm giving in to you. I want to be consumed, just taken away from anywhere but here. I'd lke you to save me from this empty bed till the sun rises. And then in the morning we can forget, and it never happened. It always never happened...afterall, it's easier that way isn't it...??


Friends are only friends, until the stars hide our bodies in their glow, and we come to the forgettable complications we share between steamed sheets. I hate myself for all of the yous that I only allow to be friends.....and more for the ones that only want that too.
I am currently Restless
I am listening to Hawthorne Heights "Niki FM"

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I think I'm on crack?!
02/09/2006 08:55 a.m.
So I'm all confusED and not too sure where anything is going and just keep adding to my complication, and now I'm babbling....but I'm good at it.

Anyway....

Soooooo, your buttons =) I should be sleeping but instead I've wasted the night away hanging out when I need to be up early for work. I hate having no more me time anymore, but I adore all of the funnnn!

p.s. if my bestest buddy is reading this, come visit me, pleeeeeaasssseeee! Pretty please with sugar on top!! Hehe
I am currently Tired
I am listening to <3 Archer's New Rival <3

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I can't find significance
01/08/2006 08:17 a.m.
why should this next moment count??? no need to make it any different than all the other days of this year, i didn't even make plans....
I am currently Bleh

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