Angry or Sad?
11/19/2001 01:04 a.m.
I don't know whether I should cry because he is gone or rejoice. I am sorry that is took me so long to realize how much of an asshole he really is. No one could hurt me so much and think he can get away with it. This has been ongoing for four years now. And as much as I love him I know now that I have to let him go. If he would just bring back my book of poetry I would never have to see him again except for the brief passing of his truck on the street. What else is there to do. He has the choice...her or me, and it is obvious to me now that he has chosen her. So I just have to sit back and wonder if all those years were just a waste of my time. How could he honestly do such a thing to me. Knowing how much I care for him. That hurts more than his taking her over me. At least I assume that is what he is doing seeing as I have not heard from him. My friend Theresa even called him last night and left a message demanding my book back, nothing works. I am left with no options, I simply no longer know what to do....
I am currently Scattered
I am listening to She Hasn't Heard It Yet - Jamie O'Neal

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Lost In Hopes
11/07/2001 03:50 a.m.
I am really freaking out right now. My darling neighbor came over so we could talk, and as soon as he got here I froze up as I typically do. I look at him, smell that sweet cologne and I get so scared that I may lose him if I confess that I just can't. So we were nostalgic and watched that video of the prom night we shared together, hoping to jar those old memories from deep within him. And as he left I handed him my entire book of poetry and asked him to read it. Needless to say, there is a section of at least ten poems that pertain to him. I don't know what he is going to do or say when he gets there. I am so afraid that he doesn't feel the same. I don't want to lose him, but I can't keep it bottled up inside any longer for fear that I may burst. I love him, and no matter what happens, he has to know that. Well I am going to go to bed now and wait for the fateful phone call, or for him to show up at my door after work tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for me, because you know I will be in silent prayer all night.
I am currently Unsure
I am listening to I'll Fly Away - Alison Krauss

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Long Day
11/06/2001 05:00 a.m.
I am watching my most favorite movie in the world "Coyote Ugly" The music it just gets to me so much.

What a long day. I just got home from work, it is 11:30pm. I started this morning at 7am and went to work at 8:30am. That makes for a long day. I have my desk job all day and then a behind the counter job all night. The Xtra Mart what a place to be.

I am so exhausted, I just don't know how I am going to be able to manage two jobs and make time for my family and friends. I am going to head off to bed now and dream of that one who is never far from my thoughts...may he one day actually realize that.
I am currently Erotic
I am listening to Coyote Ugly

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Journal Entry
11/05/2001 03:06 a.m.
Well last night was a long night out with my darling friend Heidi...karaoke at the bar. How much fun that is :-) Oh dear, I am still awaiting a phone call from my best bud next door. Do you think he could be anymore dense and oblivious. I don't know what to do anymore. I just started my second job, and I am so tired. I don't even know if I am going to be able to keep this charade up. I don't know, it is time for me to hit the hay...in a manner of speaking. Good night all.
I am currently Puzzled
I am listening to If You See Him - Reba

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Journal Entry
11/02/2001 04:36 a.m.
Well today I got myself a new part-time job. And I am still having plenty of trouble with that certain someone next door. What do I do? That is the question! I am at a loss. But I am going to have extra money soon, and for that I am so excited!! Yay!!! :-)
I am currently Lovesick
I am listening to Jamie O'Neal (Shiver)

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