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I Would Give
by Caitlin Schwartz
My psychologist tells me
The thoughts I’m having
Need to stop.
They’re hindering my recovery.
I asked him “Why?”
But nothing he said could satisfy
Me.
Or my curiosity.
Nothing he says makes any sense
To me.
He doesn’t understand
The way I feel.
No one does.
My questions are valid:
Why am I here?
What do I have to offer?
Why does any of this matter?
Why do I have to come to
This stupid office
Every Tuesday
From 3:30 to 4:00?
He prods me with questions
And “gently” demands answers,
But I have none.
He asks,
“How does that make you feel?”
He doesn’t understand
That I feel nothing.
I am utterly numb.
I hoped coming to him
Would help me.
I want nothing more
Than to feel again.
I would give anything
For these dark thoughts
To leave my mind.
But they linger,
And no matter how hard I try
To push them out,
They remain.
I would give anything
To feel again.
I don’t care which emotion—
Happiness
Sadness
Anger
Dread
Love—
Not love.
I will never feel love again.
But I would rather feel something
Than nothing.
The wonder in a smile
The power in a scream
The beauty in a tear.
The magic of emotion
Evades me.
Anything
I would give anything,
To learn the secret.
To know the trick.
To have a sensation of any kind.
I would give anything
Even my soul.
11/05/2013 Author's Note: Assignment for a class
Posted on 11/05/2013
Copyright © 2025 Caitlin Schwartz
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Philip F De Pinto on 11/05/13 at 02:26 PM thought provoking work. which has me thinking that the protagonist in your poem is not alone, in this unfeeling thing, I think we are all living, if that is the word, in such a place and time as it becomes increasingly more difficult to feel, given all the distractions so called progress puts in our path to do otherwise than feel, but it seems, indifference, is the name of the game, for feeling requires the full spectrum and attention of the human being and given the distraction, we can't feel fully, but less and less, the more we are distracted by the latest gadgetry, a poor substitute no doubt to genuine human feeling, which is a rare bird nowadays and nearly extinct. |
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