you sounded different today
and it took me back a year or so
casting new light on a memory
that was dark and unclear

you seemed so distant
so lost and bewildered
yet angry and defensive
with guilt in your eyes

i've seen it before, you know
perhaps you think i was too young
to notice or understand...it took me a while
to put the pieces together
...again

your great mind staggers me
dazzles and frightens me
but your heart is a child's
selfish and angry when thwarted

people are not puzzles
to be probed and prodded
eviscerated and discarded
once their secrets are known

or worse, when they
remain unknown or unyeilding
to your logically reasoning
and unhampered emotion

you sounded different today
and my heart wept
with the knowledge
that you, once again, failed

failed to love
failed to learn
failed to understand
failed yourself

but you didn't fail me
and my faith in you
is ever stronger
than the avalance of your self loathing

just as a warning, though
she won't understand you
any better than the others
and eventually, you will fail her too

but i know you better than she
i've loved you longer
and you will always be
a part of me

i am not blind
or stupidly faithful
i know you and
accept your flaws

don't hang your head in my presence
look me in the eye when we talk
tell me the truth, the whole of it
for i love you unconditionally

you sounded different today
and i know why
it changes nothing between us
for you will always be
my Daddy

07/14/2008

Author's Note: oh how difficult, how tragically sad. to be the child all grown up and watch the parent fall.

Posted on 07/14/2008
Copyright © 2025 Genevieve Sturrock