We were in your East Village apartment

you cooked Sunday dinner
chicken and homemade dumplings
you'd made it for me before
and I loved it

when the idea came about:

let's move to L.A.

you had lived there before
I never had

and we decided,
we mentally shook on it

you said:
L.A. can be a lonely city.
I've never been so lonely.

and immediately I thought:
I don't want to go there anymore.

but we still made our plans
and I was still unsure

and you moved at a rapid pace
talking about specific dates and moving trucks

and I'm unsure how I looked
because I was unsure how I felt

vacant and scared and non-committal

weeks passed and the emails flew

a mutual friend convinced me of some wrongdoing on your part

and I know that not true now
and I knew it then as well

but I needed to believe it
because this was an easy out

so I lashed out in an email
that made you lash out in an email
and they kept flying
and they kept flying
and they kept flying

in one email you stated something along the lines
that I needed someone to be angry at
and I laughed at your accusation
but now
I believe you were right

so I chose to accept someone's suggestion of your maldesigns on me

that's what I did
that's what I've done
and I'm sorry

and I really don't know why I never really told you
I can't go
I can't move
I'm not ready
I don't want to be lonely in L.A.

04/05/2006

Author's Note: For AGJC. I'm still sorry...

Posted on 12/14/2007
Copyright © 2025 David Garner