How did I break my arm?

I found a package at my door today
Puzzled, I took the parcel inside
I hadn’t ordered anything by mail
And it certainly wasn’t my birthday
Plain brown wrapping with my name
Written in large red block letters
With no return address to be seen
It looked like someone’s goofy game

My friends are quick to play a trick
I’m quick to play the trick right back
I smiled and gently shook the bulky box
This might be a dead fish or a brick
No dizzy terrorists had my address
I had no fear that it might explode
So I quickly tore open the box 
Surprised at what was in the mess

A pair of thigh high boots of red suede 
With stiletto heels and big brass zippers 
Now I knew who this package was from
Cassie, my wild and carefree river maid
Feeling a bit inquisitive and foolishly able,
I poured a double shot of tequila nerves,
Wrestled my fat thighs into her snug boots
And in BVDs climbed upon the coffee table

Lit up and laughing at my awkward dance
A grotesque parody of bumps and grinds 
“Hot Blooded” propels me into hysteria
And I assume that pouting bad girl stance
My ankles are suddenly aware of the heels
Caving in they drop me to my aging knees
And diving I slam face first to the floor
Discovering how unconsciousness feels

The paramedics came to carry me away
Grinning at the deviant sight before them
They had to ask just what the hell I’d done
So I told them, wondering what they’d say
And it seemed at first they didn’t really care
Until they both broke out in gales of laughter
Losing their grip on the clumsy gurney
They dropped me going down the stairs

That’s how I broke my arm!

11/22/2000

Author's Note: I was thinking back to the ol' days here at the PPS..when Cassie took to dancing on the coffee table in her thigh high red suede boots..so I thought I'd dust this one off for all you old timers..right Que? (grin)

Posted on 09/10/2007
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