I know youre getting irritated with my old lady comments, but you bring out the Paula Abdul in me, so I can't help it. I think you are above the alliteration of the first two lines. Other than that, this is pretty wonderful to me. I love how you still manage to come across as this good guy who'se just been wronged by some B_T_H even though these are somewhat violent. Like I sort of have to side with you in these poems. I also love how you don't come across as some egotistical dime a dozen waste of pumpin. I really love everything after the last two lines especially the last line in the second "stanza" and everything that happens after that. Well I like the whole thing but still i don't think you need cheap tricks like alliteration. I feel like the line about heavier animals was especially observant, i don't know if you meant what I took it to mean, but I took it to mean like uglier women, the tenth best kind. The lipo was a nice touch too. Keep on keeping on.