My life has always been a manic hurl through dense, fogged, nightmares;

twisted, perverse, lusting for unmentionables not easily grasped or easy to ignore.

I was born an ungrateful child filled with images of opaque desires I couldn’t possibly

comprehend. Quite unexpectedly during the dawn of a sweet, early spring, though

frost-bit by chills of my unfulfilled life; a life out of step with the times,

a life reeking loneliness, clichés and rhymes, a song bird I'd never seen before began to

harmonize with the cosmic tone of our universe. Her voice was pungent with purity.

She wasn't annoying or shrill. In truth, quite simply, it was a

glorious thrill to hear this bird's song so loving rendered with a joy only lovers

devoted could conceivably know. Spiritual lovers mid-way in flight on a full

moon's night know this song by heart very well. It was in that precise

moment I came crashing into your porous, fragile, paper-thin heart. It seems I've

been eternally blinded by illusions and hallucinations that I know very well are a

refuge for living a felonious life. Yet miraculously, illumination sprang from

within despite all my sins. An inner knowing told me in a mother's hushed

whisper, “The unalterable truth is, ‘I am that I am.' That which is divine dwelling within

me helped me to recall that 'our greatest possession is our unconquerable souls.'

No accidents here, or there, or anywhere. I do solemnly swear for I am convinced

God placed us in each other’s path. There is no such thing as careless flickers

of precarious fate. Gathered together, our powerful hearts become life-lines to

wholeness. We are one being with two souls awed by the harmonious nature of the

simple beauty of not just a bird’s song, but of everything. I still cannot

fathom how you zoomed in so quickly on my fatigued SOS. Or how you answered it

with love at its passionate best. Boundaries collapsing gave us a solid foundation

on which to build upon the hardened bedrock of our fractured and torn, bleeding

hearts. Atop a sturdy pedestal made of irradiated star-dust,

two hearts opened, flowered, then spead seeds of a hope ever lasting.

Oh blessed be this glorious day! Grateful am I to have come crashing

into your shattered heart split wide apart. The time had arrived for I felt truly

alive as I took a fearless dive into your warm waters of love. Blessed be this

miraculous day! It’s worth the repeating, yes, I do truly believe blessed is me,

grateful to have come crashing heart-first into your wide-opened arms of joy.

You knew not to censure a frightened man-boy. You don’t own a cage.

You’ve never felt rage. Your heart is a heart for all time and age. What a grand

realization it was when I looked up into your eyes and discovered, surprised,

the man I’d become looking back. I'm not very wise but I know for sure,

blessed be all ship-wrecked hearts in need of love’s hand. We sent up into ether,

across the great waters and over all land a desperate and urgent SOS

then suddenly stunned by a reply born of a pure grace and mercy heard not only by you, but by me.

01/13/2007

Posted on 01/13/2007
Copyright © 2025 Scott Utley