life- a great scary chain reaction
something and then another and then another
but this is not where i came from? that
is something i never have understood (never thought about) like bricks
in a building the amino acids and proteins why can't
it happen again-

and then, she breaks my train of thought
and i quietly descend past delta, beta, alpha
the patterns of my youth
with the un(sub?)conscious air of a practiced,
trained expert in the art of denial

slowly but surely, throughout our conversation,
i have developed a phrase that seems too simple
to be poetic or even wise
i pick at the seams of it, over again and over again
kneading and stitching and pushing and pulling the fabric of my language
as i talk mindlessly about dumb things that i don't care about
(but i do)

i say softly, where the mouthpiece cannot grasp
"girls look prettier when you can't have them"

my mind doodles with the words, turning it into
-have-prettier-girls-when-you-can't-look-at-them-
that's so j.u.v.e.n.i.l.e, but automatic
my mind draws a connection between that damnable stigmatic phrase
and the ridiculous words and i imagine my brain as a slave
to the ideals of human logic
it breaks and breaks as i strum the other's heartstrings

god, why is it four instead of two? cloyingly soft voiced me asks

memories rush in

The stance, poise, the grace! I shall never
again to this sight honor such amazing displays of maidenry;
her laughing eyes, dark and poised on diverging a secret
to an old friend that I never knew.
Why haven't I taken my transport
out of larceny to something simpler, her arms or mine ballasting
this wrecking desolate ship?

this is not about money, this is not about hate
(never was i to)
i just-
this all leads back to what i thought, life not like
in science fiction but life like in my subconscious' fiction, that
of untruth and beauty and softened breathing in the morning-
need something else

12/28/2006

Author's Note: This was a stream-of-consciousness poem. It took about three minutes and I decided not to edit over it.

Posted on 12/29/2006
Copyright © 2025 Corey Lockaby