good question
not sure I have the answer now that you've asked
anymore than what I've told myself
after all these years,
it's kind of funny when I think of it
as I tend to write about romance, endlessly
of being in love,
to live the passion
to experience him ...

yet
why am I alone?
why is he not here?
he, who rocks my soul,
maybe
I haven't met him
close and personal, face to face
or because I want what I can't have
its safer that way on some weird ass subconscious level...

perhaps,
I'm just don't care to try again
to be hurt again,
and I do get hurt, so desperately
anytime love starts to slip and fade,
when I see the illusion begin to crumble
I fall apart inside
and run away,
filled with rage and hide
back to where its safe,
behind this pen
where freedom lives inside my head,
within this heart
to dream again
of him, out there, somewhere ...

maybe
it's because I'm shy
really shy,
and others don't see what I feel inside
but choose to say I'm somewhat aloof
they don't know what its like for me
don't need the added stress
of mindless games that babies play,
so, I keep a safe distance far away ...

I am not a victim of circumstance
not here to cry the blues,
no pity party for me, PLEASE!
we all make choices, right or wrong
balance is the key,
having loved extremes both high and low
has taught me where not to jump
when to turn and walk away
with breaking hearts and tears that stay,
principle is more important
than mere feelings, any day
my goal is to take our time with great respect
to honestly reflect
two seeking souls getting to know
with a heart towards evermore ...

its not my dream to live alone
with him, my world would be complete,
but I won't settle for just any man, he has to be the best for me
and me, for him
I would give almost anything
to have this as my reality

yet
here I sit, pen in hand
as I bleed onto this page,
and try to answer the question asked
why am I alone?
I don't think I have a clue
don't really think I know ...

12/10/2006

Author's Note: ever wonder? I know I do...

Posted on 12/12/2006
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