waiting keep in touch
don't reach for the phone again
you know yourself less
when you do that

so sleep off infidelities
i can't stand you
you think that every bad thing
could always
be gone prevented

like a wreck please
stop the implications i don't care
what you know about me or even
if you have some sort of

intimate knowledge about my own
heritage, i never needed you

it was only growth, sleep, there

that's what you are to me
a static (shock and still) dusty remnant

of ridiculous ideals and corrupted dreams
you never even

could imagine i would turn out to be
i guess, so inane in my lack of wisdom
but still you're naive since every

reason you have to believe me is
that this is what i was always going to be
and this is what i am

what can i do for riddance other than agree
every time you degrade my thoughts

just agree
your concerns are stupid
but i agree
your thoughts are cunning and
puerile
but i agree because
i want to be rid of any trouble

this is not what i wanted to be
i just want anyone
to see that i never asked
for this distaste

this jolt of stupidity
that constantly pulses

like a release from my intelligence
i love it when i hurt (undermine) myself like this

it's so against my dreams and my nature
that it's exhilarating in its newness

i need my own release of instable
almost corruption to breathe tainted air
and i'll be okay when someone
anyone

understands that i'm the only one
who expected me

every piece of life is going through me
calculated
formulated
thinking
thought and complex
and so damn smart

and i just don't care
how juvenile i am

am i acting myself? yes in this
childish wonderful thinking

i'm free of expectations when i feel human

03/04/2006

Author's Note: Freewrite.

Posted on 03/04/2006
Copyright © 2025 Corey Lockaby