i think that nothing in life is meant to stay forever. i have never seen anything in my life that stayed on and never had to leave or cease to exist. everything that i felt or touched all went away...fading like smoke in the air.

perhaps that is what i see everytime i smoke. each time i breathe out the smoke that comes out of my lungs, i see the essence and reality of life. smoke, slowly dissolving into thin, invisible air. and life, like my cigarette, eventually becomes consumed my fire, by its burning tribulations. what is left is a useless piece of tar-filled garbage and nothing else.

if life is indeed like this, i feel that it just has to be lived to its limits every single day. nothing is to be wasted, nothing is to be placed in the palms of regret. life is short. shorter that we think it is. i am definite of that. why then should be waste our time fearing life? it won't make it a day longer. life is a burning cigarette. sooner or later it will burn away. leaving nothing but ashes.

time wasted is a puff from a cigarette that is not inhaled. time wasted is useless smoke from a burning cigarette. life is any ordinary, temporary real thing that exists. it is candy that melts away in your mouth, it is flavor that eventually loses its taste, it is scent that is lost in the wind, it is the many countless things that never last. if life is temporary, so are the things that are in it. laughter, sadness, madness, love... and yes, oh love... the wonder drug of the heart! it makes the heart feel alive and then it kills it. the ultimate traitor huh! if the communists say that religion is the opium of the masses, well love is far more powerful than that. if there could be anyting else stronger that opium, it is love. you get the hang of it, and it kills you... cold and stiff!

i may be painting life in gray colors but that doesn't mean that life is devoid of bright colors. its just that life is plainly painted on a gray canvass.


*les essais series

09/20/2001

Posted on 09/20/2001
Copyright © 2025 Martini Koy