you know
08/19/2002 06:06 a.m.
Apparently it’s possible to come to a point in time where there is nothing left to be said. The day as wrong, nothing happened, you felt nothing. A day like today where I didn’t even seem to exist. I’ve been watching the movie Dogma a lot lately just because I’m feeling so up-in-arms about faith. Through all of this, the silliness and the anger and lack of hope, I’m turning to really stupid and flimsy things. Like having a crush on Jason Mewes (you know, Jay of Jay and Silent Bob). He’s cute. Isn’t that sad? I mean, not because he’s not cute (cause he is), but because this is what I’m allowing my last days of childhood to be all about. Things are going to end. Change. And all I’m thinking about ... boys. Maybe it’s the only thing I can control. I don’t know. And poems from me are sucking lately. Hopefully that’ll correct itself. All in all, I’m not looking forward to that “Mood” box. Cause I’m really stumped. I’m not mad anymore. My logic and hope for all people to end up with bright futures and such has won out here. I gave up that feeling. It was pointless. I can't change things and do I even want to? Change might be for the better in this instance. Who knows. And I'm certainly not in love. My sadness about John grows every day and the more it grows, the more I pretend it's not there at all. Maybe eventually it'll be totally gone. That'd be nice. And I'm DEFINITELY not happy. College is coming and I'll have to be an adult. And live with a bunch of girls (that "I'm your roommate, not your best friend; find someone else to braid your hair" speech replays over and over in my mind, Koye). :) Well, my mom will surely hear the typing and then the whoopings'll begin like it ain't no thang. Wow, way too much Dogma. It's a good movie, see it. Really. Jason Mewes. MMmmmm. Okay, honestly, good night.
I am currently Jumbled
I am listening to myself typing