so it's a goodbye
06/30/2002 06:12 p.m.
they say someday you'll find, all who love are blind
when your heart's on fire, you must realize smoke gets in your eyes
. . .
now laughing friends deride tears I cannot hide
so I smile and say
"when a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes"
-- the Platters

* * *

so mom says pride's not a bad thing. it's a good thing she says. don't call she says. i'm better than that she says. i can only choose to agree. spending mornings crying isn't something i should willingly submit to. so in my mind, it's over. i don't need anymore hurt and i'm sick of putting myself in a position to be hurt. so i'm not going to anymore. Jonna, if friday would be better for you, let's do something friday. i don't need / want / have to wait around for him to bless me with his call. and i'm not going to. if he does call, i'm going to slam my hand in my bedroom door so that i'll be more angry than sad then i'm going to tell him how i feel. and that'll be it for us. it's not about college. i think it's necessary to emphasize that. it's about not being hurt anymore. emotional abuse is almost as bad a physical and i would never allow that to continue. why allow this? so that's it.

* * *

it doesn't leave a scratch so therefore no one's hurt
-- Tori Amos
I am currently Jaded
I am listening to "Fade into You" by Mazzy Star