10/15/12
11/27/2012 04:24 a.m.
Lately I've been talking to friends considering going into the arts and encouraging them. A few days ago I was in Caroline's room, oogling the posters that she had just gotten printed and hung around her room. I cannot tell you how many time I exclaimed to her "Oh my god, I love these". It was that uncomfortable excessive amount of enthusiasm that I seem to have a knack for. Some were pictures of icons like Tina Fey or Audrey Hepburn. Some had small little blurbs of encouraging words. There was one in particular that caught my interest. It was a white page with black font and a small little doodle of a face at the very bottom. It looked small enough and stark enough to look like a poem that would interest me. Instead it was a quote y Kurt Vonnegut:

"Go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower, dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. you will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."

This small blurb has stuck with me for days now. It has awakened something and relit a small flame of confidence somewhere inside me, a place previously unoccupied except for a hollow spot where fear makes its nest. It shook me. Enlightened this hope that the things I create are worthwhile. That they have an impact, even if it is just on myself. No not even if. Fuck that. Most importantly that they have an impact on me. I create because I feel moved to and like if I don't I might burst. This expression give me freedom, allowing my soul to grow. It's a wonderful revelation. Creation gives one a sense of pride, accomplishment, and power. Not in a greedy sense, but EMpowerment. Taking charge and giving yourself the tools you need to grow and expand. What really shook me about that quote was that if made me realize how much my life has been lacking this passion for creation. For a long time I've been lacking the urge to sit down and write a thought, any thought. Almost as if I felt like my words didn't have importance or weren't worthy of expression. Or even, more personally, like my emotions weren't worthy of expression because they weren't some concrete set of emotions. Lately I've been feeling a bit lost and muddled. Confused is probably the most accurate description. I'm confused almost all of the time. It is this hazy gray and muted set of emotions that just seem mediocre and unimportant, but that doesn't mean they aren't emotion. That they aren't worhty of being felt or documented just because they aren't concrete. I have thoughts and feelings that are important and I shall write them when I feel moved to! And hopefully more often than that because all emotions are beautiful, and I want to records them all.
I am currently Lazy