Needless to say I haven't slept yet
07/14/2006 12:17 p.m.
I'm a horrible person
A terrible horrible rotten bitch whore
And I can't deny that it's what I wanted...just not how I wanted the situation to be when it finally happened.
And the sad thing earlier John called me and I got all giddy, as if that was going to somehow pan out any differently then last time. Seriously what is wrong with me?! These actions I'm watching myself make aren't right, aren't good Jenn. I'm starting to wonder/think that there never was a good Jenn. Which is kinda true and I know it. I know that I'm not different then those girls I hated, the ones I called whores. And there's nothing I can do to take back what I've done, there are things I can do to make it better or to not screw up again. But I'm not really sure if that's what I'm going to make myself do. I kinda just want it, and I don't think it's too wrong; and I don't think I want to control it; and all I can think right now is SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! GAHHHHHHHHHHH!! But once that passes I'm all egh, round two??
Another secret...........
I am currently Evil
I am listening to the blades of the fan spinning the cold air around me