Answer
05/27/2006 08:52 a.m.
My heart it aches
And my body is used
And no happiness comes to me for longer than a moment, and then taken away the next
Geez this has been an incredibly suckiest of sucky weeks this year, and it's only May. God knows it gets worse in the winter, lonlier in the colder months. I'm tired of pushing people away, I'm tired of finaly letting someone closer and getting screwed. I'm tired of mixed signals and complications. I'm not open enough with my feeligs but sometimes I can be overwheming. :( WTF?! It's just even more hurtful because I understand what he means. I won't let you know how I feel, and then I'm too much for you to take. This is ridiculous. I wish I could just think it was about another girl, that maybe it wasn't me. It's not you
Jenn, it's not you jenn....but you're disappearing because of who?? Oh, that'd be lil ol' me. Being in a relationship with me is like being in one with my friends too, and it's too much to handle. Drama Rama, that's what I bring. I don't fucking do anything, but it's me, it's my fault. Ughhh he keeps saying it's not, but it must be. I chose my friends, and they may love me too much, and things may get complicated, and no one is good enough to pass their approval, and Nick will never let anyone touch HIS Jenny. I love my friends with all of myself, more than life itself. But why do I feel like I'm never going to get to be happy, at least not happy "with" someone?! Shouldn't they allow me to make my own mistakes and just be there for me when it fucks up, not break all and any attempts. God dammit, it's not their faults....it's mine. God I wish I could erase last Sunday, gahhhh Sundays are suppose to be relaxing. And mornings aren't meant to be steamy after complicated drunk fighting. I'm so done, soo done with feeling this way, sooo done of letting it hurt me, soooo done of trying. I'll crawl back in my empty heart for another 3 1/2 years and then let some asshole come along and screw me up again. Shut me down again. I just wish....that wishes could come true. Why does he have to disappear from me???? Don't blame drama you fucking coward, blame yourself and let me hate you, oh god please...
I am currently Hurt
I am listening to Echoes