i hate who i hurt.
11/17/2005 02:31 a.m.
i'd like to think that i hate all my ex-boyfriends. but i don't. ryan and i are fine (if you even want to count him as an ex). john apologized and we've moved on.

i was in the wrong with tommy. i was the one who was the bastard in the situation. and he's the only one who i've had any sincere bad blood with.

at this point, i'd like to make it very clear that i'm not trying to stir anything up. the shit-stirring was over long ago.

but i have been thinking about that situation lately because, well, honestly, it's been in my face. and i'm left with the realization that the only person i could stop being angry with was the person that was not to blame for the dissolution of the relationship. i wasn't mad at john. not like i was mad at tommy.

so what's wrong with me? did he deserve that? well, you know, i'm the queen of mistakes when it comes to every person i know that lives in baltimore, so who am i to be angry with him for mistakes - whether conscious or subconscious - he made? i was the one who initially ruined things with koye. i was the one who ruined things with tommy. so i've come to the conclusion that i can't be angry at anyone but me.

but this is over. unless something pops up and slaps me, this will probably be the last time i talk about it. or at least to talk frankly about it.

i'm just... i don't know... admitting my fault in the whole thing. i won't say i'm sorry cause i know that doesn't cut it and maybe no one even cares for it anymore. but there you go.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to "Run to the Water" by Live