10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
10/18/2005 08:49 p.m.

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay in the same way hanging around tall people will make you taller.

3. Gay marriage will change the foundations of society; we could never adapt to new social norms... just like we have not adapted to cars, the service-sector economy or longer life spans.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and has not changed at all. We still consider women property, blacks and whites can't marry and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britney Spear's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are viable because they produce children. Gay people, infertile people and old people should not be allowed to marry because our orphanages are not quite full yet and the world really needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, just like straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by our major religion. In a theocracy like America, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion here.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That is why we as a society expressly forbid single parents from raising children.

10. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door for all kinds of crazy things. Why, people might even wish to marry their pet... because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

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