friends.
09/01/2005 08:28 p.m.
I haven't posted a journal entry here in a long time. it seems appropriate to do so now.

he and I had a fight last night. loud. angry. stuff. his residents heard. I now have the pleasure of making sure they know it was solely my fault (which it was)... though he doesn't want me to say anything to them about it. I can't let them think bad things about him. he didn't do anything wrong. I was the bad guy. I have to clear that up. we'll see how that goes, I guess.

but what I'm really here to say is that I'm overwhelmed by the response. I left the building. I passed Julian and Bryant. I thought I looked pretty together. I was sad and upset, but I thought I was doing a good job of looking ok. as I walked by, they asked if I was ok, if I wanted to stay and talk with them. I said I was ok, and Julian looked at me and said, "no, you're not." they cared. they wanted me to be ok. just a few hours earlier they were laughing at the fact that I apparently snore, that I'm supposedly somewhat pigeon-toed. then they were asking me to talk to them. they would share, I would share. unfortunately, the arguement he and I had was about me saying too much to the residents (and, knowing my luck, this entry counts as saying too much) so I couldn't stop and talk. but I appreciated it so much.

I was talking to him - we worked it out, we always do - and saying that I was so happy and just in love with every single one of his residents. why? because I didn't really have a freshman year. I went to Bob Jones where Jared and Sizzle and Chris were really my only friends, where I refused to make friends because I knew I was leaving, where I was miserable for a semester because I felt so trapped. then I went to GSU for spring semester. I had Ashley. I met Heather. I knew Eric's friends. Ashley and Eric were the only friends I didn't have to borrow. and I knew them from high school. I borrowed Heather from Ashley (and kept her, I liked her so much :D) and I borrowed Eric's Hendricks friends from him. I didn't make my own friends. these guys this year are giving me the freshman year I never had. they've accepted me like no other group of people here have. and, naive as it may be, I feel like they care about me in some way. and maybe it's because they're freshmen and they're grasping for something. maybe it's not as real as I think it is. but that's ok. that's what I missed. that's what it was for everyone freshman year. reaching out for someone to fill voids you suddenly have. I love those guys for it.

and it's not something he should worry about. it's not about "liking" them or having crushes or anything like that. it's about appreciating them for what they are and what they've done for me.

I don't know.

maybe this was too much and it'll be deleted in a day or something, who knows?

I just want a reminder of this. of how people care.
I am currently Loved