I Am An Utter Failure Today: June 9th, 2005
06/30/2005 01:39 a.m.

I was here a moment ago and thereafter I was not. Yes, I witnessed my return from nowhere. In space I moved, from space A to space B, from nowhere to nowhere. I did not sense my legs stepping ahead, I did not see my hands moving, I failed to hold my attention glued to its seat, as my attention escaped into a dead time. I moved in space and time fractured. I know that once the time is separated from the space we are fractured. If time is life, the very presence of being in this space-time-continuum is AMNESS. In other words, the very presence of being in this space-time-continuum is AWARENESS. I walk from space A to space B, twenty steps ahead. This distance should take 20 seconds for me to cover, 20 seconds is one third of a minute. How about dividing a second into a millisecond and experiencing every millisecond continuously merged with the space of twenty steps. A millisecond and my right foot is on the move in space and in togetherness, and so are my hands doing the balancing act, moving synchronized with the movement of the legs in this non fractured space-time continuum. What about m attention? Yes, it is glued with what is and what IS is the space-time continuum that consists of what IS, within and without. This is AMNESS of being. This is AWARENESS. You miss nothing. You deny all the associations that distract you not just by ignoring them, but by bringing them into this togetherness and deciding how you must deal with them by not letting them make you walk mechanically in the dead time, by not letting the distraction generate fear registered in the dead time, by not feeling excited owing to the associated ness, but by role-playing that is deciding on the merit and the purpose of the distraction. In this state of AMNESS (which I am not in now,) externally, the experience of time remains the same i.e., others see you experiencing yourself on the scale in which they experience time. Internally, the experience of time slows down and you do feel like you are moving in slow motion, missing nothing, negating all negations, seeing and experiencing everything, within as well as without. The quality of impressions refines manifold as you gather and consume energies drawing from your energy source twice the intake in the normal course. Well, you are seeing (one impression) and you are seeing seeing (another impression). On the other hand you also desist from this wastage of energies by not indulging in meaningless internal dialoging jumping from one association to the other. You sense your attention like an organ. You move your attention like your hand. You can SEE a leaf, smiling, on that distant tree, magnified. You can touch it. I can. I have, but not now. I am an utter failure today. Though I am on the march on this evolutionary path, pathless.