Six Sessions of Five Minutes of Inner Silence: June 7th, 2005
06/30/2005 01:21 a.m.

This morning I resolved to do at least six sessions of five minutes of INNER SILENCE by shutting of my internal dialoging. Yes, I thought, “I will become my watchdog, keeping a watchful and alert eye on my attention, not allowing it to drift, adrift.” I also thought of all the distractions that would possibly distract and carry my attention away. 'Negate the negation', I repeatedly said. 'Draw power from the denial', yes, we do draw energies from the denial, but only when we succeed. The WIN is a beautiful energy provider. No distractions are distractions if one is present. One can BE in the distraction despite the presence of the distraction. Your presence will determine how you deal with the distraction. 'You just have to BE Ashok', I repeated again and again. Now it’s the afternoon, almost 3:30, and I am yet to commence my first session. I tried and tried umpteen times but none of them lasted long. I am feeling so weak in my endeavor to regain and refine energies. I am feeling so distracted in my efforts to neutralize distractions to meaninglessness. I am feeling so disturbed by my lack of concentration. I have always believed that you realize more when you get into conflict and here I am realizing the impossibility of my endeavor in getting into conflict with the mother of all evil, Nature.

This realization isn't new and I am a loser in this conflict. What I am groping for is this experience of INNER SILENCE, six sessions of five minutes each. I am not prepared to give this up because this would be like giving up LIVING. I am determined despite the failure. I am sad, tired and frustrated. 'Keep glued to your body', I suggest in third person. The body is three-dimensional in its movements, and it can't travel in time. 'Slow down,' I keep on reminding my self. Slowing down the experience of within and without helps us focus. The best course is to slow down all your actions and reactions on the physical plane and subsequently your experience. I am struggling and the end result is blankness. I hope this blankness will lead me to my desired mental state. Five minutes of inner silence.