journal
06/03/2005 07:32 p.m.
I was reading some old journal entries of mine and I came upon one I thought was interesting. I'll take out names and anything too blatant... but I want to post it. in hopes someone might read. maybe. I don't know. I don't really know what I'm looking to accomplish. maybe just want to evoke some memories? but here it is.

Speaking of physical contact, I saw *** last weekend. He's been really sweet. He came and picked me up at about seven and we stayed together til about 12:30. It was great. We went shoe shopping and then walked around the mall some. He and I had been flirting and saying we were going to make out and all kinds of things for about a month. It was all in good humor, but it was still happening. So from the beginning of the night he'd been very touchy with me and at some point he was holding my hand. It was a nice thing. I'd never held hands with him before but I'd imagined it and then, before I knew it, it was happening. And it was so sweet. I knew it wasn't a girlfriend/dating thing. He's still hung up on ***. But the whole night was about "even though other things are crashing down all around us, at least we have each other." That was the theme. Because last weekend *** was in *** "working things out" with ***. So *** suggested we get some ice cream but it was freezing outside so we decided to watch a movie at his house. We had no idea what to watch so *** suggested the movie ***. Just about a week earlier *** had mentioned to me that it was his favorite movie. So I told *** that. He said, "Well, we can't watch it then cause you'd be thinking of him the whole time." And then a lightbulb came on for both of us. "Wouldn't it be funny if we made out to it?!" So we did. It was all very humorous and lighthearted. He went in for the first kiss about ten times and each time I'd avoid it or start laughing. It was so funny. And then we kissed a bit. It was such a free, open thing. We love each other, and we're not dating, but we weren't afraid of showing our affections. It was really nice. On the way home we talked and made sure nothing had changed. I sincerely think nothing has. It was hard for me to hear that he went out the next day with ***. But I've never liked him dating her anyway. So things remain the same. Better, even. Cause now *** knows that I'll always be there for him and I know the same about him. He'll be there if I need a boy to make out with to get back at someone. What are friends for, really?

and this is the way you bury things like this.

I am currently Nostalgic
I am listening to "C'Mon Billy" by PJ Harvey... hmmm...