friends and lovers
02/20/2005 07:36 p.m.
had a nice long talk with Heather last night about all that's going on. like ALL. stuff I didn't even know I was thinking. and I just don't know how long I can let this go on. letting time pass is the hardest thing in the world. I hate it. and it makes me make mistakes. I'm scared of losing him permanently, but I can't think about that right now.

it all comes down to me being selfish and immature and confused and insecure and self-conscious and stupidly curious. that's really all it is. I'm sure he's thinking about things he's done to cause this, but whatever he's thinking of is miniscule in comparison to my faults in this. I always suspected I was afraid of committment, but I'd never had anyone really commit to me so I could find out for sure.

so it's about taking care of me. fixing me. doing it by myself, for myself. but I don't know if I can do that without completely screwing up everything me and Eric have ever had. gosh.
I am currently Sad
I am listening to Boy Meets World on the TV