Mousing around
02/15/2005 09:30 p.m.
I feel like I have two homes right now. This may be the way for a long time in the future.
My center is divided. I’m the country mouse and the city mouse lately, and happy in both places, but when in one, miss loved ones in the other. And have friends, some new, in the country as well as the dear friends and net friends here and elsewhere I miss when off-line in the country. I'm away from this mouse a long time then. But it’s a growth period, even in a losing period. The closeness that is shared between three people living together, fighting the imminence of death, but with grace and acceptance if it must be, and trust in God, for a good death of one of these, and of course in a sense a death of a part of all of us in the family, is surreal and amazing. I haven't written much at all lately, just a few things, but I am not concerned about that right now of course. I know we are really seeing what time does and does not mean, and love and devotion, too. The extreme tests of love and endurance are upon us and we are answering the call in harmony and strength for the most part. Laughter and tears, memories of beginnings for the couple are fresh like yesterday in our minds, their minds, as they look back and praise the fact that they found each other, even if for ten years of togetherness on this earth.

Talk about your sofas and how familiar they and the people around them become! And missed when we're absent from them. I saw this mentioned in Bonnie's journal recently. I now have the benefit of the cozy one by the woodstove in Mare’s basement, by the fire, (my brother gave them years ago) with the brown and orange crocheted throw over it, and usually a little black cat (Meara) stretched along my legs, or the upstairs one in the sunny living room overlooking the birdfeeder with the jays, Downey and Hairy Woodpeckers, and squirrel picnickers to watch, and the three-legged Brewster black and white large cat who craves affection, and must be picked up to achieve his spot beside me, as well as the more ornate pink couch they inherited. But when I return home it’s to my dear familiar checkered brown, yellow and red couch we were given by our kids with matching loveseat. And my Penny Cat and daughter, and husband at hand there. Funny, what we miss, isn't it?

I’ve adapted well to the drill of caring for our brother-in-law, oxygen-servicing and all, and do fine with that and the wheelchair etc, but have discovered I’m somewhat electronically-challenged on other items. My sister’s been very patient, when I’ve temporarily disabled the microwave and the satellite antenna on her tv dish! But on the whole they seem to love having me at hand. Strange isn’t it?

We laugh after she straightens these glitches out, and over the weird things I do, as I keep them on their toes. I feel terrible when they happen though, but try not to beat myself up and just keep learning what not to do.

My walks there are down the country road, and we take very few trips, right now, to town or anything. But we’ve never been bored. I have my weights there, and do my yoga in my room, which has a tv with cable. And my books of course. I actually sleep very well there, with intermittent interruptions to collect a crying cat or something.

So this is my winter away place, for important reasons, and I don’t wish to be in exotic or tropical places anyway right now of course. Fortunately my brother and husband are great for drives, and my daughter, so I can be a country mouse too. But always returning to my home base lest I be given up for gone.
I am currently Calm