In Search Of....
12/11/2004 06:04 p.m.
Peace and Tranquility...

I sincerely believe things at work are about to explode into a huge pile of manure. Things have been building over time, but are escalating.... Funny thing is that while my employer can accumulate information in my employment file from year to year and then use it as basis for non-renewal, I can only file a complaint against my employer within something like 30 days of the action that causes the dispute... I can't accumulate the information and use it as part of arbitration.... Go figure... such is life when you are in a field where the primary components are underpaid, overworked, definitely under-appreciated, and frequently used as a "scapegoat" for problems.

I'd already made up my mind to start sending out applications over the Christmas break (because I don't feel I can advocate for my son and work in the same school district), now I'm only more determined to get it done and get the heck out of here ASAP. I've been at the same location for 5 years... longer than I've ever held a single position before (I worked at the same retail store for almost 3 years while I was in college, but I was also working other jobs at the same time).. all together I have worked for this particular school district a total of more than 10 years, although I did leave for 5 years after I earned my certification.

There have been a number of things that have happened over the last 5 years that have made me consider leaving, but the real root of it stems from the end of last year, my placement in my current assignment, how it was handled, and the demands of my current placement (and my inability to meet the expectations of some administrators for me in this placement).

I've been less than pleased about this situation from the beginning. I expressed concerns from the start, but I came in with the idea that I would do my best and I could do "anything" for a year.... well, I'm beginning to wonder about making it the whole year... but I'm not ready or willing to throw in the towel before the year is out quite yet.

Needless to say, I'm on a roller coaser of emotions and thoughts right now... Not really sure how to deal with everything... Not knowing exactly what is going to happen next is the worst part I guess... I mean I have some ideas, and I can pretty well determine the worst case scenario's... and worst case will make things very difficult for me financially, but not impossible. I've been through enough in the last 6 years to know that very little is impossible....

God, Thank you for the support you have given me, through friends, family and Your word, and please give me strength, keep me strong, give me a clear mind and don't let my emotions get in the way of my judgement....
I am currently Bothered