fight
08/25/2004 05:31 a.m.
we fought. almost broke up. I'm still not sure why we didn't. maybe we did. my standards it turns out are not insanely low, but insanely high. and I think they're unfair. ah yes, that's why we didn't break up. because it is unfair to expect Eric to be as jealous as I am. because jealousy isn't a good thing. it's bad to be jealous. but I am. of everything that keeps him away from me. and that's bad. that's not love. that's crazy. so I'm not saying he doesn't love me (he does). I'm saying he isn't crazy (and not being crazy is a good thing, apparently).

heather has just checked on me and told me to go to bed because I have class. I do. at ten. but I would like for him to wake up and not find me there. and I would like it to scare him. but I don't think he would be scared. in fact, my predictions for tonight and tomorrow are as follows: I'll go to bed as soon as I post this, sleep angrily, go to class in the morning with very little makeup and mismatched clothes, when I see Eric he'll be smiling and hugging me and kissing my neck and calling me "sweet girl" and I'll smile without really wanting to, and he'll say "see, you're smiling; you're not mad" but I will be mad, though I'll forget why and nothing will change and this argument may be refought in a few months or years.

and the question is... is it too much to ask that he love me exactly as I love him?

I think I've just answered that for myself. we are two different people with two different brains and we're allowed to do different things and that doesn't mean I love him more or he loves me more. and I wish I would have had that kind of logic hours ago.

and I think this all may just be my period talking. damn it.
I am currently Jealous
I am listening to nothing