revisiting a poem
03/17/2004 02:22 p.m.
I wrote this poem about Eric. I wrote it when I was convinced that I should break things off with him and stay with Tommy. and then I read it today, after all that's happened. and wow. you can read it the other way around now. you can go, well, I didn't mean it like that, but that certainly applies. oh heavens, I don't think I've ever written a poem like this that can just change on you. I'm a bitch. I just want that to be known. I want you to know that I know. I know what I am. but I made the right choice. I just did it in the worst way possible.

"not tonight"
I doubt every word he says
and wonder how many times
he's promised these things to others
the way he looks into my eyes
and whispers that no one will love me like he does
maybe he's right
maybe he's right
and maybe I don't want love like his
and he wonders why I cry so easily
wonders why I don't want to come over
not tonight
not tonight
easier done than said
his hopes are my wounds
causing suffering
my heart faulters
and skips beats
because it's not so easy to doubt every word he says
and maybe no one will love me like he does
so I sit
my thoughts hit every point of light
to avoid the conflict I know is on its way
can't stop what's on its way
can't stop at all
my heart from spinning or skipping
not tonight
not tonight
I can't stand any more of his love tonight
yes, I know, no one loves me like he does
and maybe that's the way I want it
maybe I don't want love like his
maybe I'm already getting enough
maybe the other is already more than enough

staggered walking, breathing
I want you to know
that I could never love you back
not tonight
not any night


I am currently Awestruck
I am listening to a printer printing