Friday the 13th...the day before Valentines day...
02/14/2004 09:33 a.m.
Well.. today sucked royal ass...

I worked an open to close.. a 18 hour shift.. with no lunch break... not like you can think of food working around it all day...

I'll have to go more into it when I clear my head a bit from all the madness that happend tonight and how quick I saw good situations turn into wrong situations...

My knees are killing me.. so are my feet.. whew... so now.. it's valentines day... wow.. doesnt feel it.. yet.

I guess that's something better left off to find out about tonight, eh?

The day of love.. wow.. A day devoted to love and romance...

making love in a bed of rose perals.. candle lit dinners, mood music, snuggling, sweaty crazy monkey sex..whatever your idea of love is... I wish you the best of luck...

I'll be sleeping most of my romance away..or at least most of the day..

Work? Let's not mention work.. since I won't be.. till monday... so I get some recovery time..

someone sent me a note, asking me why I dont write much anymore.. and really..I do write.. kinda.. in my brain..
I just sit there when I feel the urge.. and formulate a poem... and the funny thing is.. I forget them... maybe someday I'll get a hyponotist to help me remember some of my best poems lost to hazy forgetten timnes..

but as time goes on.. I don't think people really care about writers that much... well as a whole.
We're just a group of artists that really.. don't get explored until decades later.. if at all.

I could walk into a book store and see a million books.. that I won't buy... but someone will.. and really.. Who would buy my poetry? I wouldn't. I don't acaully read other peoples poetry.. if I can help it.. mainly since.. I don't want to see something and have it inspire me..music has more than a few times tainted my work.. but sometimes I feel like it might help to define the situation.. but I dunno.... I'm a hack. Not even a good one at that..

Looking around at all of this...my life... it's all a joke.. a sad one at that. I'm a better statistic than a hack half-wit writer who has to complain in a weblog to feel some bitter sense of justice.. that maybe.. someone might understand.... Don't waste your time.. I wouldn't.

I know it's a morose comment to make.. but looking around at all this stuff I have.. I feel detached from it now.
I go through these phases where I just look at my work and it seems so alien to me.. like I didnt even create it.
and recently.. I havent wanted to write poetry.. mainly because of the situation I'm in..in my life...I'm pure misrable.. I have glints of light at the end of the tunnel.. but.. honestly.. I'm feeling a little run down from all the stress I'm putting myself through over this bullshit job...just because I know I need money.. bad.. so I'm shortselling myself with this shithole pizza joint...
god..7 an hour... it seems so pathetic compared to what I've made as a bartender.. hell.. even a waiter..

I dunno.. I'm just being hard on myself tonight I guess.. mainly because of my attitude with this company.
Simple motto and plan, right? Take care of me, I take care of you, right?
Well hell.. this is more like, Take care of me, and I'll see what I can do.. (but I really mean - Yeah, right.. go fuck yourself.)
Which is why I hate corporate pizza chains... people get this power trip over being a manager, type deal...

So corporate america..Raise your chins high, and cup gently the balls of humanity, as you guzzle the corporate cock...I hope it makes you feel better at night to know the people you step on...and the lives you inadvertinatly effect...

Oh.. and to you... the customer... fuck you. You're not always right. You don't get the advantage of 'I want my stuff now!' when I have 25 tickets in front of you... even if you did call it in 30 mins ago... They saw me working.. they saw me busting my ass for peanuts.. so hell.. give the man a break. Don't yell like I can't hear you over the phones ringing, my staff having canipition fits, yelling, screaming, pizza oven, drivers talking, and the voices in my head telling me to walk out.. just walk out, right now...and don't look back...

but I'm too damn professional.. I rode that ship to shore.. and you know what? I feel gratified in a small way... even tho this was the night from hell.. in alot more ways than one...

I got through it... and here I am.. tired, sore.. smelling of food... and I'm not even hungry.. but I need a shower.. I have mad flour up in my sinues..not to mention my lungs..

I think thats whats really fucking me up the most latly.. the flour in the air has just been killing me.. I've been coughing up white snot balls forever now.. I think I'm gonna have to quit this job after I get the lisense back.. cuz this is really kicking my ass, other than the corporate ass-reaming I get on a constant basis...

it's burning irony too.. The computer at work has a motto No stress = Pizza ... Right.... You ever seen a 15 year old talk more than work? You ever seen a manager come in to work his shift and get transfered to another store...in the middle of the 5pm pop?...Happened...or how about a 250 pound kindergarden teacher screaming out cuss words because her pizza isn't ready... I bit my tounge...


I didnt know it was friday the 13th...until someone mentioned it.. then I was like.. great.. it's gone well so far...

then everything went on a downward spiral...
the fat guy who sweats when he breathes broke the doorknob on the bathroom.. since he thought the door pulled when it really pushed... funny tho, you can't hear the back up inthe front by the ovens.. so he was locked in the bathroom for about 20 mins... so was a night driver... they both locked in this HORRIBLE bathroom...
(I'll be getting a digi cam tomorrow.. so I'll make sure to show some photo's when I figure out how..

:: Sigh ::

I'm gonna go. I need to...

I wish you all the best.. You deserve it.

It's a given.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to The ringing in my ears..