Envy and Me...
01/14/2004 10:47 a.m.
Ok.. I'm not genrally a jealous person (or a great speller)

but tonight, someone threw in my face the most blantent reason for me to be jealous..

Not only did this person get to meet Dave Chapelle and get pictures of him hanging out his bus window (with a dimebag) but then gets to meet Dave Atelle.. and get a picture too.. man... I'd shit myself if I'da met either the two of them.. I get to meet Johnny Knoxville and Dave Matthews... wtf? See.. you never get to meet the people you really want to.. the people you like and make you laugh.. Sure I love dave and all, but hey, I met him without all the fanfare and Vh1 bullshit.. I met him in a van smoking a bowl.. I met Nuclear assault asking me where to score some crack...(I sent them over to the 7-11, they scored and rejoiced) but hell.. for me to meet someone I idolize, like Reznor or Keller Williams... hell, Robin Williams for that matter... I dunno.. maybe I'm jaded to mucicans.. more along the lines that I somehow am not impressed with musicans.. I think comedy ranks higher than music... You need to practice to be a musician.. hell.. almost anyone can tell a joke and even sometimes they can pull it off... and to make someone laugh.. thats special.. I guess to me.. mainly because, when I was a kid.. I really dreamt about being on SNL.. hence why I was always the class clown.. always in trouble... I sought out any attention over good attention.. so I'd ham it up in class.. hell.. Momma's don't raise your children on late saturday night live... it'll tell your kids to laugh is golden and that sometimes the class clown comes out on top.. Sometimes the hero doesnt get the dame.. but he gets the last laugh... and to me.. that's the golden moment.. when you drop that bomb in the crowd and hear that explosion of laughter and applause as you back off stage left with the lights sparkling in your eyes... and for that moment.. You made all those people forget.. for a split second.. their lives..their pain.. for that mere moment in time, on live television.. You made a million people spill a soda or bong, made someone hug thier loved one.. You made magic.

I've always wanted to be on there.. now it's more of an onrunning joke.. I could hack it.. I know that.. but really.. I'm not that funny.. I can do voices and make my friends laugh about one of my rants.. but you know.. is it worth it? I don't think so... I guess really.. I'm afraid of failure.. and that would be the ultimate test.. but to do soemthing along those lines is impossible, since they only seek out, not take applications.. but hell..

maybe one day soon, I'll come up with some good jokes..


I am currently Anxious