Inspired?
01/11/2004 06:19 a.m.
Well.. where do I begin?

It's been a long ass week for me.. Snow's been falling, covering the dirty wet ground in a layer of ice.. Mmmm now there's chunky mud.. my favorite...

Being alone. I'm used to it.. I guess.. I prefer it on the most part.. for the last..umm.. my life I guess.. I've never been alone.. I think I've based my whole personality on other people.. I know it's something we all do, to fit in I guess.. but really.. I don't conform well to anything.. it seems one fo the few things I'm good at..

As for my writing.. I dunno.. I love to write... but the stuff I want to write, isn't held in realms as poetry anymore.. now it's just some free verse ramble that just springs forth from me, like I'm speaking tongues...

I could write you a million poems in a second.. if you wanted them.. but I don’t think you all do... I hate to think I'm wasting my time sitting here.. and that’s really how I've come to feel about my writing these days... depression has long sunk in... and now.. now.. fuck man.. I got a job just to help me forget... and really.. that's all I want to do now.. is forget.. forget this guy named Aaron Howard.. forget this tragic life that I've led.. I just want to run away at this point.. and just leave this life in the gutter with yesterdays trash...

So writing for me now, would just show how sad my life has really become.. and honestly.. You don’t wanna hear about it.. I should know.. I know I don't wanna hear about it..

So what do you wanna hear about anyways? I mean hell.. I write poems in my sleep.. why the lack of content? maybe because now... Now.. I’m not inspired..

I can wander around the web and find beauty everywhere.. I can find it naked sucking off a horse if I want.. but there's no feeling there... Then comes down to my options when it comes to love... which are hell if not anything, Nil.

I love so many different people.. for different reasons... all these people who are my friends, all these girls who talk to me.. what's the point? I love people for their souls, their creativity.. I love them for being them.. so when it comes to loving a woman.. it seems so far off these days.. like it's something I'll never obtain. The sad part is, I don't care...Why share my problems with someone who I'll love?

I called this a long time ago.. I said I'd be the alone guy sitting at the bar... hoping for his chance that never comes... just because I made a mistake...I'm going to have to deal with that for the rest of my life...
and it's so ironic that I called myself out like that when I was like 14...

I've looked for love in so many women's eyes, I can tell a mile away when I'm getting played the fool.. since.. after all.. I played for a long time.. being casual about relationships.. thank you please drive through...

Now? Now I look for love.. and it's a joke.. I can see the games, I can see the tragic drama that unfolds.. and hell.. is it even worth it? I doubt it.

I've found beauty on the web, yeah.. I've found sluts and bitches and liars aplenty... but they all seem fake to me. Like someone is living something that they are not.. and me? Hell.. I know this just means I feel like I'm not living what I'm supposed to.. trying to be someone I'm not.

I'm not a poet... or a writer... I can just type...
and don't expect too much on the spelling either...


Enough about me.. how about you? Have a good new years?
Want a poem written? I could use some subject matter.. I feel like I've written a poem about everything I could at this point...

Maybe I should just have a bonfire in the fireplace and burn up all my old notebooks and poetry... since.. looking in on it now, I think I have posted any poem I really could have thought of up on here... and now.. hell.. now I just feel like pulling the plug.

I swear, I have more mood swings than a pregnant woman…


I am currently Clueless