do i sit here and fade away?
12/27/2003 10:04 p.m.
oi.
i am afraisd of being forgotten. of being left behind. of never getting back to where i was sure i would get to.

this doesnt make sense, but i'm just trying to cope with my own demons, and they're kicking me in the ass. i'm one of those people that thinks tha bad things will happen to good people for no reason at all. i am also a person who believes that, with enough effort, anything can be rationalized- which is why i feel like this; because i cant rationalize my situation at the moment; i can accept it, but i can not bring myself to understand it.

ach, i hate this fucking song. i hate john mayer, but it's on the radio, and i'm too lazy to get off my ass and go look for something else to listen to.

i would like to completely redo myself. because every once in a while, i want the phone to ring for me. i used to find myself to be at least moderately attractive. now i look like a strung out junkie, (pardon the cliche) perpetually recovering from the night before. i look and feel like a fucking wreck; and probably am one. i cant even look at myself in the mirror without thinking that i used to look better; that i used to be in love with someone who loved me back; that i used to be desirable.
now i'm just a shy little motherfucker who is a 13 year old on the verge of turning 18.

whatever. i guess i'll make it through this, it never fails.
i just have no direction. but i have a lot of words that i probably have held up too long, for the fear of sounding typical and average. and here they are.

thank you for whoever values me enough to have read thus far.

peace:a
I am currently Bummed
I am listening to billy idol- eyes without a face