I got an email today...
11/18/2003 03:19 a.m.
I got a message from a close friend of mine who'd said she'd been reading my journal and was there for me if I needed someone to talk to... I thought it really was sweet that someone actually sent me an email.. much less read my rant on in here..

People.. Let me just say this.. these are my internal thoughts.. I don’t think about them, and sadly.. I don’t reedit and re-interrogate.. if that’s how you spell it..

but please.. don't have me locked up just because I go on a rant about politics or my so-called-love life..

I mean, I know I’m crazy.. but not bad crazy.. not like I’m going to hurt someone crazy.. I might talk about it a bit.. but fuck man.. I can't hurt anyone else, much less myself..
Well.. Unless someone can press the action button on me.. but that's rare.. I've made it 28 years without someone really being able to tap that button into rage mode...

I entered this journal trying to mention that..

I've found in my time on this planet.. that sleep is the cure all for most things.. You might be sad, depressed, lonely.. but when you wake up.. You feel better.. like it's a new day.. not just a continuation on of the day before..
Like if you didn’t conquer the world yesterday, this is the day you could achieve it.. (Whoa.. let me simmer down now)
but really..I look at my words from the last couple of days.. and I woke up feeling great.. mind you it was like 8:30 in the PM when I woke.. but still Cup of coffee and a bowl pack later. I’m psyched... almost like I could write.. or even worse...edit..

Someone also asked me why I haven’t been writing much lately..
I dunno.. it's not writers block.. it's more of something that I'm tired of pouring my feelings out on pages when they don't hold firm ground.. all on suspicion.. So I wait for the actions of others to inspire me.. at least for now.. I just need some time before I want to tackle a new writing style.. time to cumulate my thoughts into stable realms before I start ranting on paper about humans and their errors...

You know, that tells me something right there though.. I'm afraid of what someone might think if they turn out one way and then they don't then I'd have written all this work about them.. showing who I thought they were and then I'd feel bad... I mean.. I just write what I see.. and I'm not always right about someone.. but honestly. I do nail it down on about 90% of the people...

Actually, I've found people I get into arguments with, I'd really get along with.. So if someone wants to argue then, it's almost like a sign they aren't weak.. not to lie down to someone else's way of thinking.. So it's not always a bad thing..

I just don't want to write about my feelings when I'm so conflicted about multiple things.. my brain feels like mush when it comes to writing.. I could spend all this time writing and editing.. but to be honest.. I'd rather do something else.. Soak in the tub, take a nap.. go outside...get a job... shit...


I am currently Amazed
I am listening to Aphrodite - Woman that rolls