The resurgence of an ex...
10/15/2003 03:10 p.m.
This must be a special month... this must be the month of memories and heartbreak... the month where you wish things in the past had never happend.. the month where memories come back to haunt your dreams and make you wake up in a cold sweat..
Two of my ex's have shown up out of the blue, to see how I've been doing... One of them, I had no problem talking to.. the other, well lets just say we never really settled the situation properly and just ended up with a mouthful of bitter words and a heart overburdened by the stress of a failed attempt at love...
After about 6 or 7 years, I finally got closure.. I didnt worry about it before... well other than the year after we went our seperate ways.. but I had forgotten all about her and what had happend.. My friend commented that it didn't seem like I was that hurt by the whole thing.. maybe I wasen't on the outside... but I know how I felt deep inside.. I never thought I'd be able to speak my mind so forceful, but it flowed like a river.. I never thought I'd push away a chance to rebuild a bridge.. but in the place Im in now.. in my life.. I don't need anymore liars in my life anymore.. I don't need someone who'd just break my heart without an explanation.. even when I asked for the explanation this time around..all I got was vaugeness and deception.. So it just made it easier to tell her to not go away angry.. but to just go away..
I never thought I'd be strong enough to push them away.. but sometimes your heart wants one thing, but your mind tells you the truth... and I listened and spoke...
I commend myself for that strength.. I think that things like that are sad to have to complete.. but when looking back on the past.. I feel it was the right thing to do.. Some nightmares are better off forgotten...
Of course it couldn't be the one that got away that emailed me.. Silvia.. Ahh.. I feel like chasing amy when I look back on that relationship.. it was all my fault... but maybe thoughts like that are just better off forgotten too.. some people are better off without.

I am currently Alienated
I am listening to Raining in Baltimore by Counting crows