Hell of a week...
10/10/2003 05:41 a.m.
Well I wont really go into details.. but I've lost a close friend of mine this week.. just poof.. gone.. and the others? I find myself caring less and less.. I'd hate to say that it seems some people just drag you down like a brick in a sack full of puppies.. You try to work things out, but you know deep down.. the peace has been said and the paths have split a long time ago.. you just wanted to be blind, so you could maybe savor or yet salvage the relationship.. I prefer just losing someone tho.. you know it's final.. no bullshit.. goodbyes were said in a fraction of a second.. but with a bullshitter.. You know your going to bump into them.. even if you go across the world..at some point in life, they appear like a ghost..
Maybe thats why I like strangers so much..new stories, new drama, new life and love.. maybe.. but old friends, odds are you've herd the stories a hundred times.. did the same thing over and over like it was some sadistic downward spiral.. ahhh.. the fear of being alone I guess..
It's liberating to think that tho.. that you're alone.. Sure you have family, friends..but you can't take them with you.. unless maybe your a moron driving a minivan like a sportscar.. but still.. at that moment of impact..at that second of release.. you're alone.. sure there's an afterlife.. but unlike when you're born.. you go out alone.. on a personal quest.. which in all reality this life is as well.. Sure you can have bonds.. but someday they will break.. I dont mean this in a bad way.. it's the circle of life.. and the sooner you realize that maybe you need to get your center and not be addicted to other people's affection and attention, the besster off you will be prepared.
I used to be scare that I would never fall in love and meet that right person.. and deep down, i do feel that way.. I mean I've been so close to so many, only to have my self descructive traits come out and just throw it away out of a fear of really opening myself up to anyone that I love..there's only so many times you play a losing game before you start to question the rules....
Ahhh...anyways.. I've also found that sleeping at other people's house makes my dreams rock.. I've had some awesome dreams this last week or so.. and remember most of them... So when I wake up from this sleep depravation, I'll compose them to paper..
It's been hell of a week...
I am currently Tired
I am listening to Sarah Mac - Circle