I don't know anymore...
09/05/2003 06:28 a.m.
I look around... and my friends and family are dying... Not the romantic death we all could wish for.. but a slow painful death, that life seems to dish out on a daily basis... I was depressed at first...at a lack for what to do or say... but now, I just dont know anymore... I love these people with all my heart.. but I can't just give up on love... I tried to talk to them about the situation, but it seems it just makes it worse.. I try to convey how I feel, but it just shows me how empty I will be without these people in my life. I could lose a thousand friends over a lifetime to deception, theft and lies.. but it would never amount to the one person who dies. At least when someone ruins a friendship, you know they are still alive.. still around... maybe not talking..but there. Then you lose someone, and you can never say goodbye again.. you only get that one chance.. and it's final. I just dont know. I want to be happy, the pain will be over soon, no more doctors, no more pins and needles.. but I know I have to enjoy this time... without my heart present...for it's already strained under the situation...and a another loss won't break me.. but I will never heal from the scar.

I guess this is why life has been bringing back friends from the past... Just so I know there are still people here who I love and cherish, yet I know they don't know of the situation... I don't know if I should confess these feelings of hopelessness, or just say 'I'm fine'
::sigh:: You spend your whole life just hanging on to the things you love.. only to lose them... but in the act of losing them, you learn what's important.. the moments you get the cherish with them.. those imaculate moments where you both laugh...and cry... in the same conversation.

To those of you.. I love you...unless you wan't me to lie to you... and just leave it at You're my friend..and always will be.

I am currently Angry
I am listening to silence.