extremecomfort
06/19/2003 06:57 p.m.
We were lying there next to each other on the floor. The CD player was turned down so the music wouldn't wake up the girls. He searched his CD collection, slowly flipping the plastic pages, looking for a suitable soundtrack.

"It's nice how you still have this," I said flatly, laying a finger on a CD. The CD he lost his virginity to. That was a year before we first met. He had once put in that CD and I, being the silliest, most jealous girlfriend, had a fit. He took it out of the CD player and threw it into the hallway. Later I made him pick it up. I didn't want to be the silly, jealous girlfriend.

Now he breathed a deep sigh.

"It's... you know... like... you know?"

"Um, I'm going to need words, hon. Give me a full sentence," I implored.

He rested his head on his arm and gently closed his eyes to think for a moment. He drew in a breath as he always did when he tried to think of exactly the right words.

"It's hard to part with my virginity."

For a second we just looked at each other. Then he quickly pulled the CD and the insert out of the case and laid them on the floor. He took my hand and it put it on top.

"Take it," he said, resolutely, starring into my eyes.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's your memory. It's not mine." I sighed sadly. He looked at me so seriously. And then the only response that would have done:

"It should have been."

...

I sometimes talk about how no one's ever loved me like Eric does. And even with that, I should reemphasize that no one ever ever ever has given me what he has emotionally. I don't think it's really possible that I can express to people, especially people who don't know Eric personally, how amazing he is to me. Not a person in this world could love me better. He loves like I love. So completely, so dedicated, so committed. He amazes me.

After this all happened, I pointed out that when we get married we're going to mix CD collections anyway and he'll eventually get it back. He smiled and gave me a kiss.

Why do I ever worry about him leaving, cheating, anything? I don't have to worry.

I've never been more comfortable. This isn't about rubbing anything in anyone's face, but he's home. It's not fair I've found that this soon. It's not fair, but I'm not complaining.
I am currently Romantic
I am listening to "don'tchange" by musiq soulchild