relapse
06/15/2003 11:25 p.m.
and sometimes i understand what addicts go through. that moment when someone holds a gin and tonic under your nose and you just want to slap them for tempting you. that moment when the smoke drifts over to you and it just smells so good and you want to remember what it felt like in your lungs.

he does that to me sometimes. his ghost floats around and whispers in my ear and then "tells me a secret" and all these feelings come back... the way he... this, and the way he... that... sometimes it's too much. and i think of how easy it could have been. how i wouldn't have the problems i'm having now.

and then sometimes my mother yells and i have to go. ugh.
I am currently Troubled