today or yesterday or tomorrow... or all three
06/02/2003 12:01 a.m.
Yesterday... I was dumb.

Today... I continued to be dumb.

Tomorrow... I will have been dumb.

But anyway, yes, we had a bit of an argument. Mostly because... I guess... um... well, I'm dumb. There's that. And also, I read a lot into things. A LOT. I overanalyze EVERY WORD. And I know he doesn't mean things the way I take them but what if he SUBCONSCIOUSLY does? See? There I go again.

Today we're ok, though. He says stupid things sometimes, but other times he says the most amazing things anyone's ever said to anyone else. I just have this overwhelming feeling that we're going to be ok for a VERY long time. This just FEELS like it's going to last. I thought of children today. And, I mean, for an eighteen-year-old the thought of having kids is mostly a scary thing. And I certainly wouldn't want any right now. But for the first time since maybe I was a little girl playing house, I recognized the wonderful side of having children. Teaching them and learning from them and giving everything to them. It doesn't sound so bad when you think of that. I've already told Eric: I'll change diapers, but when it comes to vomit... he's in charge. So we know our roles. :) But I want to teach them songs and Bible verses and about Picasso and Wagner and baseball (Eric can teach them about football and basketball... I'll leave that to him) and how to tie shoes and what colors go together and how to answer the phone and ... just on and on forever. All those things came to me today and I felt like I was six again and playing with dollies.

Tomorrow I start driving school. No actual driving for a while, I think, but just the idea unnerves me. I don't WANT to drive. I LIKE not driving. But I know I should. And I know once I do, I'll LOVE the freedom. So yeah. Still not happy, though.

And that's what's going on. I expected to say more about driving but, you know, I think I'm in denial right now.

I want to make some more chocolate chip pancakes.

Gosh, just call me domestica. (ooo! I'm Koye!)

Have a good week, all.
I am currently Content
I am listening to myself typing, how splendid