in defense of nick
04/16/2003 08:14 p.m.
So I was blowdrying my hair and thinking out today's crazy events and I decided to write a journal entry to defend myself. And I realized that in the process, I'd be defending Nick. When all this was in full swing, I hated Nick. The idea of Nick was disgusting to me. That he could do what he did. But I was only hearing one side of things. It's only today that I've been thinking so much about Cathy that I've understood something that I think she should understand. This Nick thing... to some degree... you know, I'm not in this, I don't know everything about it... but leaving doesn't always mean "you're not enough" or "you're not what I want." No way. That's not what it meant for me. And possibly Nick felt the same. It's still leaving, yeah. And leaving still sucks, I know. I'm feeling it. A lot. But I never want anyone to have the impression that I left because who I was with wasn't "enough" or "desirable" or simply amazing, as a matter of fact. Leaving doesn't mean "I'm great and you're not great enough to be in my great presence." Sometimes it means the timing is off, or things aren't meant to be or something completely unrelated to that person. So I guess this is really in defense of all four of us. I'm saying that no one here should think him or herself undesirable. Yeah. And I think that's why I got so worked up and was all crying at a journal entry from the 14th and stuff. Um, hope this wasn't like overstepping anything. All right then.
I am currently Angry
I am listening to something ben kweller-ish