Day of Ups and Downs
04/15/2003 04:52 a.m.
Today marks Brian and my's 2 month anniversary. It's been an interesting day. Slow day at work, got out early. Brian came over and we went down to Johnson and Wales University for a tour. I was really hoping I could go there, but they don't have the program I want, I wanted the baking and pastry arts program and all they are offering is culinary arts. It was kind of dissapointing. Then Brian and I got into an arguement, but we settled it quickly. We got something to eat and then went to my house where I took at shower and changed to go over his house. We hung out for a little bit then made dinner together, talked about my options for the future, for school. Its a little depressing and a bit scary, having screwed up so much in the past and worrying about continuing to screw up now and in the future. Am I really ready for it or am I just fooling myself? I don't want to fuck up anymore, I don't want to be a disappointment to myself, my parents or Brian, but I am concerned that I can't stop myself from doing it again. Dinner was pretty good for something thrown together at the last minute with what was in the fridge. We made chili (with turkey not beef). It amazes me sometimes how well we work together, how much we seem to "get" each other. It is both exhillarating and terrifying, because I'm so glad to have found him and so afraid of losing him. We made love in front of the fireplace tonight and it was beautiful. Its always beautiful. He is beautiful, even if he doesn't believe it.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Various Artists-If I Were A Carpenter